Blood and Shadows
by shadownumera
Summary: Ending the Fourth War years ago brought peace. Until shinobi started getting systematically killed. All the Nations are on edge. War is coming unless someone finds who's doing this and why. Anyone hunting the threat has died. Nara are famed for intelligence and one of them makes a bold decision. What better help than someone who can't die? She just has to dig him up first. [Hiatus]
1. Prologue

_After polling the votes, this one won._

**Disclaimer : **Don't Own Naruto

**Beta: **Shatteredstar21

_Enjoy :3_

* * *

The Fourth Great Shinobi War was supposed to be the end of the violence between the nations.

Everyone knew there would still problems in the world, even with this newfound peace.

But for once shinobi of different Nations wouldn't be constantly at each other's throats.

The threats of Madara, Obito and the Akatsuki were long gone.

The Nations allowed themselves to relax.

Perhaps, they grew too complacent.

It started off slowly.

Shinobi started to not return from missions.

This was no unusual occurrence, and it had been so sporadic that at first there was concern but no true worry.

Until they couldn't find the bodies.

The Kages sent messages to each other, each of them denying knowing what was going on, citing their own losses as proof.

The disappearances started to pick up pace.

And they finally started to find bodies... if they could be called bodies in their horribly mutilated state.

The slain were always unrecognizable except through blood testing. In fact, the only thing left untouched on all of them were their Hitai-ate.

Shinobi from all Five Great Nations and the smaller ones were present amongst the bloody scenes.

People demanded an explanation.

Hunter-nin were sent out.

None returned.

The bodies were only found months later.

Tensions started to rise between the Nations.

Even the close ties between Suna and Konoha were growing strained.

Since they could not identify the threat, the Kages were starting to turn on each other.

War was starting to brew.

And there seemed to be no way to stop it.

* * *

The Nara of Konoha was not a clan used to having puzzles that evaded them.

Present a Nara with a problem and though it will often be declared 'troublesome' or 'a drag' with enough prodding it would get solved.

Their intelligence was famed amongst the Five Nations.

So, it was no surprise that this typically laid back clan was antsy and displeased at having something they could not figure out.

Especially when it was something so dire as this situation.

But this puzzle seemed impossible for them.

Impossible even for their Clan head Shikamaru who's brilliant strategic mind was the most famous of them all.

Naruto, the Rokudaime Hokage, had restricted missions until the threat was found and dealt with.

The shinobi of Konoha were growing restless.

This only put further pressure on the Nara to solve the troublesome problem.

Because if they didn't Konoha would most likely implode on itself.

Or worse, the anger and resentment of being confined would turn the shinobi in favor of starting the Fifth Shinobi War.

"Troublesome." Came a mutter from one of the Nara as she paced, getting dirt on her standard Konoha Jounin uniform for her efforts.

She was a typical Nara, black hair in a low ponytail that tended to spike here and there despite her best efforts to get it straight and brown eyes fixed on the ground she'd worn from her pacing.

"Losing our edge. Such a drag." Nara Akane sighed.

It was a sad day that both the main branch Nara _and _side branch Nara like herself couldn't solve something.

Unlike most clans, the Nara were more relaxed about the difference between main and Side branches.

On the rare occasion one of them had difficulty with a puzzle, they were not too proud to ask one another for help. What good was being surrounded by genius if you didn't use it?

This lead to how she was involved in the first place.

Akane had thought hell itself had frozen over when _the _Shikamaru had failed to solve this problem. And admitted it. His brilliance was famous, even amongst a clan of geniuses after all.

Then he'd asked for help and things had gone from there.

Oh he hadn't asked for _her _help specifically.

Shikamaru was her distant cousin and while they knew each other and were civil acquaintances they weren't really _friends_.

She remembered admiring her three-years-older cousin when she was a student, and she still did in a sense that she recognized his cunning. This was as close as they'd ever really gotten.

So, it was no surprise or insult that Shikamaru hadn't asked for her help specifically.

He'd asked his father, who'd asked his mother; who'd asked her sister.

And so on and so forth until every single Nara old enough to strategize was fixated on this problem.

Not one of them had come up with a solution.

How to catch someone that tended to kill whoever went after them?

Kagemane was typically how a Nara caught someone, but that had a limited range.

Getting so close to an unknown threat without getting killed was obviously troublesome.

Akane snagged a stick, making a crude map in the dirt as she thought.

Shinobi from all the nations, Great or small.

Found here, here, here, here, here... no seeming coordination in the slaughter sites.

No one claiming the kills either.

What a drag.

At least the Akatsuki had been bold enough to claim the chaos they'd caused.

On a whim, the kunoichi put a dot on where she remembered the former enemy to be from.

The plant Zetsu hadn't been from anywhere. Deceased, defeated by the Allied Nations during the Fourth War.

Taki. Kakuzu. Akatsuki treasurer with five hearts. Deceased. Defeated by Team Asuma, and Team Kakashi.

Iwa. Deidara. A bomber. Deceased. Defeated by Uchiha Sasuke.

Ame. Konan and Pein or Nagato. God and Angel. Both deceased. Konan defeated by Obito. Nagato by Naruto.

Suna. Akasuna no Sasori. Puppet master. Deceased, defeated by Haruno Sakura and Chiyo of Suna.

Konoha. Uchiha Itachi. Genjutsu master. Deceased. Not a true traitor. Defeated by Uchiha Sasuke.

Uchiha Obito also from Konoha. Warped by Madara. Deceased. Turned against Madara in the end and paid for seeing the light with his life.

Kiri. Hoshigaki Kisame. Tailless Tailed Beast. Deceased. Committed suicide to prevent information leaking.

And finally Yugakure. Hidan. Defeated by Shikamaru himself. Trapped in a deep hole in the Nara forest, but presumed alive since he was immortal.  
Nara Akane blinked, her mind starting to form one of those ideas that made her clan famous.

_Immortal._

Unable to die.

This could be the chance they needed!

How better to get close to someone that killed than with someone that _couldn't_ die?

She just had to figure out how to get him out of that hole.

And convince him to help.

How troublesome.

* * *

_Nothing like bloody murders to bring people together._

_For those that were hoping for Frayed, it will still happen. I may attempt multitasking and starting that one up as well and alternating the update days._


	2. Deals With the Devil

_Time for an actual chapter, ne?_

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Naruto

**Beta:** Shatteredstar21

_There's something missing here and neither of us could find it. Suggestions on how to improve this chapter gladly accepted._

* * *

Akane was back to her previous pacing.

Unlike most Nara she thought and planned better when she was moving.

Her idea was a risky one, she knew that.

There was no guarantee that anybody would approve of this idea, no matter how clever it was.

She could see it now.

Sitting in the Rokudaime's office explaining her idea with a horrified Shikamaru looking on.

Akane sighed; she'd have to go about this very carefully. Much as she hated to admit it, the ex-Akatsuki was possibly their only hope.

She needed to talk this over with someone, flesh it out more.

But who?

Her family was out of the question. She couldn't risk the idea getting back to Shikamaru before she was ready to present it to both him and the Hokage.

Akane knew the idea would have to be almost flawless to gain their approval.

Her old teammates weren't a good choice either. That ran the same risk of getting back to Shikamaru, though through more convoluted channels.

Even if she asked them to be quiet, Yamanaka's were naturally chatty people.

Plus, Akane suspected that of her Genin team, neither Yamanaka or Aburame (there hadn't been an Akimichi in their class) would be very willing to help her plan about digging up an S-class nuke-nin.

She was left with only one real option.

The nuke-nin himself.

He would certainly be the one most interested in freeing himself from that hole.

Plus, the Nara deer could and would keep a secret if asked nicely enough.

She nodded going to cut up some apples. Had to bring the best treats if she wanted an audience with Rikumaru after all.

* * *

Akane made her way into the Nara forest, collection fallen antlers to explain her presence if asked.

There was a soft crush. A deliberate noise.

Akane turned and smiled. Just the stag she wanted to see.

Rikumaru was an old deer, his muzzle almost completely gray. He'd been young when Shikamaru put Hidan in the hole in the first place. Not entirely unusual as Nara deer were well taken care of.

He 'ruled' the others undisputed so far as she knew.

"Rikumaru-sama." She greeted the old stag who looked at her with intelligent eyes.

Though unable to speak, Nara deer were more cunning then their wild counterparts.

Almost summon level in their understanding of people.

Akane held out the apple slices, knowing that was what the old stag had smelled and wanted.

Rikumaru deigned to approach her and took the offering. He gave her a look that said 'you may speak'.

"Rikumaru-sama, I need to do something that you will find strange. It's a drag, but I need to dig up that S-class nuke-nin Shikamaru-san buried. It also has to be a secret. I'm forming a plan, but it's not ready yet. I have to talk to that nuke-nin. Would that be possible?" Akane kept the anxiety out of her voice.

Do not beg.

If Rikumaru declined then all of her attempts to contact the nuke-nin unnoticed would be in vain.

The old stag gave her a calm look.

Considering.

Wanting an explanation.

"I believe he may be the key to solving the murders, Rikumaru-sama. But I have to talk to him first to see if I'm on the right track. If I am, I need to flesh out my plans and ideas with _someone_ before presenting them to Shikamaru-san and Hokage-sama. You know how nit-picky they are. So troublesome."

Perhaps it was the verbal tics of her clan that convinced him.

Perhaps the stag simply wished for the slaughter to end too.

It was difficult to tell, but no matter the reason the gray-muzzled deer turned to start leading her through the woods.

Akane made sure to keep up, not wanting to insult the great beast by falling behind.

The stag effortlessly guided her into a rarely visited section of the Nara forest.

This bit of forest looked much like any other section of forest. Except for the clearing and the pile of rubble in a circular hole.

Those were the only markings of what had taken place here.

Akane scanned the small clearing.

No traps.

At least not anymore. So much time had passed, who was going to come looking for a long buried Akatsuki?

Apparently a distant relative of the very person who put him here.

She cautiously approached the pile of rubble that filled the hole. "Any signs of life from here?" she questioned Rikumaru.

It would be just her luck that the rumors of Hidan being immortal were just that.

Rumors.

Rikumaru stamped his hoof.

"Noises?" Akane wanted to be sure she understood what the stag was telling her.

Another hoof stamp. She took this as confirmation of the noises.

Well, noises were a good sign. More promising than mere rumors anyway.

A glance at the daunting pile of rocks received a deep sigh of "troublesome."

This was going to be a lot of work.

What a drag.

* * *

Nara, despite their tendency to declare things troublesome were a stubborn clan. Akane was no exception.

She set about her task of removing rocks one by one.

Time passed.

Pick up rock, move, pick up rock, move...

It was nearing nightfall.

Pick up rock, move, pick up rock...

That wasn't a rock.

It was a hand.

For being under a pile of rocks and such for so long it was in amazingly good condition. Bruised, but whole. Not rotted at all.

Finding an arm had to mean she was getting closer to her goal.

A few more rocks later and Akane had her prize. A head.

With silver hair grown to where she assumed his shoulders would be, eyes closed, a bit of dried blood by the corner of his mouth, her first impression of the infamous Akatsuki was that he didn't look nearly as dangerous as she thought he would.

But there was no sign of life.

"Did I do all this for nothing? What a drag" she complained aloud.

"Fucking interrupting my damn prayers to Jashin-sama." The head's eyes snapped open. Confusion registered in the Akatsuki's eye before a grin split his face. "Someone finally fucking dug me up! Jashin, fuck yes! Now I can fucking sacrifice that pineapple bastard to Jashin-sama! Who fucking dug me up? That you Kakuzu? Took your damn time old bastard."

Talking to a severed head had to be the strangest experience in all of Akane's shinobi career. And that was saying something.

Hidan then seemed to register the person in front of him was not his old partner.

Instead it was a strange kunoichi.

In fact, she looked a lot like that bastard that had put the immortal in that Jashin-damned hole in the first place.

"Who the fuck are you, bitch?" He glared "You fucking new Akatsuki blood? But you're wearing the damn pussy Leaf heathen shit." Hidan gave her an obvious once over "Fucking unimpressive and damn short. The shitty standards fell."

If there was one thing that managed to anger Akane faster than anything else it was being called short.

In a movement too fast to see, she had a kunai out and buried in the rock in front of his nose with a crack. "It was exceedingly troublesome to dig you up." She informed with mock sweetness. The kind that told anyone that knew her to_ run_. And run fast. "You will be silent. And you will listen. When I give you permission to speak, then you may continue to insult my ears with your incessant swearing or I swear by all that you consider holy I will use Kage Nui to stitch your mouth closed. Do you understand?"

Hidan blinked. He had not fucking expected that from a soft leaf shinobi. It was almost damn impressive.

Taking his surprise as compliance Akane continued. "I did not dig you up for Akatsuki. I am a loyal kunoichi of Konohagakure and the Akatsuki were all killed off. You are the only living remnant of the organization to remain. By my calculations you've been buried under your troublesome rocks for about nine years. Possibly ten. Shikamaru-san was about seventeen when he defeated you, and I'm twenty-three, making him twenty-six now".

Hidan opened his mouth to have that kunai tip laid against his eye in a silent threat.

He wisely shut his mouth again.

"I apologize for the death of your partner, if that bothers you. Now that you know I have no political agenda or a loyalty that makes me dig your sorry ass up, I'll tell you why we're having this conversation, even if so far it's been a real drag."

Hidan vaguely wondered if damn Uzumaki blood hadn't gotten into that pineapple fucker's family somehow. This bitch seemed about as fucking temperamental and dangerous as a pissed off Uzumaki woman.

That or he'd fucking underestimated a damn Nara. Again.

Jashin damn it.

"Brief history lesson for you. Troublesome, but needed considering your situation. After you were put here, the Nations engaged in the Fourth Shinobi War. It was the Allied Shinobi Forces versus the one you would remember as Tobi. He claimed he was Uchiha Madara. In reality he was Uchiha Obito. To make a very long story short, since retelling it would be troublesome, the true Uchiha Madara was resurrected and it took all of our efforts to bring him and the resurrected Juubi down. Obito eventually turned on Madara as well, seeing the light, but lost his life in the process. After the last great battle, friendship blossomed between the Nations and there was peace."

Hidan almost scoffed at that, but the nudge of the kunai against the base of his eye kept him silent.

He wasn't sure the loss of an eye would heal.

"That was until about a year or so ago. Shinobi started to not come back from missions. At first we thought nothing of it." Akane recited the strange occurrences and the rapidly spreading slaughter of any and all shinobi. "Anyone that's tried finding out who's behind this has died. Now, we've finally come to where you come in. You can't die. The fact we're having this conversation is proof enough of that. I'm also sure you've experienced my Clan's Kagemane for yourself. With you, me or some other Nara would be able to get close enough to the threat to catch them."

She lowered the kunai from his eye. "Now you may talk."

"So that's fucking why you dug my ass up?" Hidan scoffed "What fucking makes you think I'll help against this damn bogeyman of yours?" He smirked. "In fact, I might fucking like what this bastard's doing, causing you all to piss yourselves in fear."

"And here I thought you'd want to be out of this troublesome hole." Akane mused.

"Fucking what?"

"Are you that dumb? What a drag. You agree to help; you get out of the hole. You don't, I've got just the Earth jutsu to bury you again."

"Then I'll fucking agree to help damn it! Get me out of this Jashin-damned hole!"

"Uh-uh-uh." The flat of the kunai tapped against his cheek "You think I'm stupid? You'd turn on us as soon as we got you your body back together and put a weapon in your hands."

Hidan's eyes narrowed. Smart bitch. And he fucking liked her violent tendencies.

"So, I came to chat. You and I are going to devise a deal. One that keeps you loyal to us. Prevents you from being troublesome. Like sacrificing Shikamaru-san. That's unacceptable. You may sacrifice our target however." Akane really had no idea what she was giving him permission to do, but she kept that from showing in her words or expression.

Instead she just gave the zealot a knowing smirk. Playing him like he was a shogi piece. "I'm sure that would make you happy, hm?"

"Fucking bitch." Hidan glared at her. So she knew what he could do? He didn't give a rats ass about this unknown bastard, but a sacrifice was a sacrifice. He just wanted that pineapple bastard for revenge.

"Thank you. Come now, Hidan-san. I came to chat. And it's not you're doing anything else at the moment." Akane gave him a vicious smile.

Hidan reconsidered. With that sort of fucking look on her face she might've fucking done damn well as an Akatsuki. "What's your damn name since you fucking know mine? Might as well fucking be polite and shit if we're going to fucking talk." He scowled at her.

"Nara Akane, Hidan-san."

Hidan was somehow not fucking surprised his shitty rescuer's name meant 'brilliant red'. With the right damn nudges, he fucking bet she could be bloodthirsty. "Just fucking Hidan, Red." He smirked at her.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Akane."

"Fucking Red." She wasn't going to win this dispute.

"Troublesome asshole." She knew it and her Nara laziness kicked in.

"Don't you fucking know it?" Hidan smirked wider. "You fucking sure you should be including me in your damn plan to keep me loyal?"

"I don't know you." Akane informed bluntly "So the best way to find a deal that works to both of our benefit is to discuss it with you. And once that's done, we can take it to the Rokudaime. Such a drag."

So she hadn't been fucking lying about his ass being stuck in the damn hole for years. They'd been on the shitty Godaime bitch when he'd been tossed into that Jashin-damned hellhole.

"I figure it's best to start with bare basics. Things you can do, things you can't etcetera. You are not allowed to sacrifice anyone unless I or whoever ends up being your partner gives you permission."

Very fucking similar to what he'd been told in the damn Akatsuki.

"You will help fight alongside Konohagakure and her allies. You will not side with the enemy. In return, you get out of this hole. Your body will be put back together and your weapon repaired from the sorry state it's in. You may also go free once this threat is dealt with."

And how the fuck did the bitch think she was going to keep him to that?

"The Rokudaime is a seal master. I'm sure he can come up with something to keep you to these terms. And before that, you will swear on all that you consider holy that you will behave. And _not_ be troublesome." Akane leaned in to have her face level with the severed head, a threatening smile on her face. "If you find this suitable, you and I can discuss further details and how to present this to Hokage-sama so that he agrees. Do I make myself clear?"

Had to fucking admit, she was damn scary. The bitch might prove fucking entertaining.

"Like fucking crystal. Before I agree to this shit, I want to figure out the damn details first." He answered, grinning at her.

Like Jashin-damned hell he was going back in that fucking hole!

So, he'd play this shitty game.

He could always fucking sacrifice her and everyone else once he was fucking free.

"Acceptable." Akane nodded before settling back to mull over details.

* * *

_Talking to severed heads always makes things better xD_

_Also you should thank Shattered a lot for helping in this. These two are proving troublesome to write._

**_Next time_**_- She glared. He glared back. She won the damn staring contest. "Fuck. Fine! I fucking swear by all that I fucking consider holy under Jashin-sama that I'll be a fucking good boy. Now get me out of this damn hole!"_


	3. What a Nara Does Best

_Have to love a plotting Nara_

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Naruto

**Beta: **Shatteredstar21

_This chapter was fun to write xD_

* * *

The conversation between the Nara and the immortal had gone on surprisingly long. It was well past night fall.

It was a good thing that it wasn't too late yet; night simply came quickly this time of year. Akane could easily still pass off the fib about gathering antlers.

Since deer were slightly more active about this time of day, it could also be believed she'd asked them to guide her to places they'd shed the medicinal components.

The Nara gave the troublesome head a level look. If one ignored the constant cursing component and her violent threats earlier, this discussion had been almost... civil.

She guessed this was because the nuke-nin was playing nice, wanting out of the hole he'd been trapped in for so long.

"So here's what we have" Akane started ticking off the points with her fingers "You agree to have a seal put on you to keep you on a leash until this threat is dealt with. Prevents you from being troublesome. As such, we gain the ability to trust you."

"Still fucking don't like the damn idea of a seal." Hidan grumbled. If done properly, it would fucking keep him from sacrificing their sorry asses as soon as he got his damn scythe back. But he fucking knew that was the whole Jashin-damned point of the thing.

Akane decided to ignore him and continued. "You will be given a list of acceptable partners, though it'll be a drag to make, and get to choose from that list. This gives you some say in the matter and hopefully the ability to tolerate the person working with you, even if you don't trust them."

Hidan fucking knew for sure that the pineapple bastard would most likely not be on that fucking list.

Jashin damn it.

"It will most likely just be you and them for a while since a two-man cell will hopefully draw less attention at first. Both of you will be tasked with attempting to figure out who's behind the killings and why before you engage them. Should this prove impossible for too long, or the threat of war becomes too great, your team starts deliberately being troublesome. This will hopefully draw the threat to you. Capture first, since we do not know if this is a singular entity or a group. To get this information, you are allowed to inflict as much pain as you see fit without killing or having the target lose the ability to speak."

At least that was a damn nice treat. The zealot couldn't help his smirk as he thought of a much needed therapy session of torture against some fucking heathen.

"Once we are one hundred percent certain the threat is gone and cannot and will not return, your partner will release the seal and you will be free to do as you wish. Since you're a troublesome person, we'll design a way to do this from a distance so that should you wish to sacrifice them, you will be unable to do so." Akane finished.

Hidan might've fucking had the slowest speed in the damn Akatsuki, but he was still a fast motherfucking S-class nuke-nin.

As if distance would fucking matter to him when hunting down the bastard that had held his damn leash.

But he wasn't fucking stupid enough to bring up that shitty point.

"If you prove to be not nearly such a drag as I think you are, you may even be given the opportunity to stop being a troublesome nuke-nin." Akane shrugged "But I can't guarantee that."

"As if I give a shit. I've spent most of my damn life as a nuke-nin, Red. I don't fucking need some pansy ass Village holding me back." Hidan rolled his eyes. Especially a pansy ass Village like the fucking Leaf. Too damn soft for his fucking tastes. Even if they did occasionally fucking produce some damn scary shinobi that fucking threatened to take his damn eye with a kunai while fucking _smiling_.

If the bitch kept that sort of shit up, he'd give her the fucking honor being of being on par with his damn levels of sadism.

"You will have hunter-nin after you if you're a rogue. Won't that be troublesome?" She tilted her head.

"Do I look like I give a shit?"

"Not really."

"Fucking exactly."

"Is there anything else you'd like to add to our current deal?" Akane shook her head. This nuke-nin was being such a drag.

Hidan scowled, forcing himself to think over it. Fuck, he didn't know. There was probably some sort of shitty trap in her damn words, but he couldn't fucking find it. Jashin damn this motherfucking bitch. "No." He growled.

"Now, we just have to figure out how to present this to the Rokudaime and Shikamaru-san." Akane sighed "Easier said than done. Such a drag."

"Why don't you fucking stop thinking about it and just fucking do the shit?" The immortal snapped at her. "Just fucking waltz right into the damn office and tell him the shitty deal and that I fucking agreed to it."

"You clearly have no sense of subtlety." Akane gave him a dry look.

"Fucking subtlety won't get me out of this Jashin-damned hole!"

She supposed he had a point. What other real option was there?

Conversations were troublesome.

Akane could plan for ages and still have one end badly.

Perhaps it was best to be blunt. It would certainly save her the trouble of sitting here on these rocks talking with a foul-mouthed head.

"Very well." Akane nodded, moving to stand.

"Where the fuck are you going, Red?!" the troublesome head demanded.

"Bed. It's easiest to catch the Rokudaime not working in the mornings." She answered, as if this was so obvious a child should see it.

"Take me fucking with you!"

"I highly doubt people would be accepting of seeing a troublesome S-class nuke-nin like yourself walking through the Nara compound. Besides, even if I trusted you to behave, which I don't, I don't know any medical jutsu to patch you up." The Nara gave him the flat bored gaze her clan had mastered.

"Fucking bitch fuck hell." Hidan snarled to himself. "Take just my damn head then! No fucking way I'm staying in this shitty hole overnight!" Or ever fucking again.

"I believe I already told you my prerequisites to you getting out of this hole, even as just a head. I will not repeat myself, since that's a drag."

"Fuck you!"

She glared. He glared back. She won the damn staring contest. "Fuck. Fine! I fucking swear by all that I consider holy under Jashin-sama that I'll be a fucking good boy!" Now he sounded like that damn lollipop bastard. How much fucking lower could he go? "Now get me out of this damn hole!"

Akane gave him another stare down before picking up his head and jumping out of the hole with it.

Hidan gave a silent scoff to himself. Like hell he'd meant a damn word. And he was fucking even picked up nicely instead of by his damn hair like Kakuzu had fucking always done.

She wove hand signs before placing her hands on the ground. A slab of Earth covered the hole where the rest of Hidan remained. "To keep animals from taking pieces" she bothered to explain, though doing so often would probably be troublesome. She eyed her talking cargo. "You'll have to go in the sack I've been putting antlers in. Being seen with a severed head would be a drag."

"Fucking bitch! Don't put me in some shitty bag! Especially not with fucking things likely to take my damn eye out!" The zealot had fucking thought her smart!

"I'd remove the antlers first" Akane rolled her eyes. This troublesome nuke-nin really was oblivious wasn't he? "It's go in the bag, or stay here."

The immortal scowled at her. How much more fucking degrading could this shit get? "Fucking fine. You owe me for being so damn cooperative, Red."

"I think getting you out of that hole was payment enough." Akane returned, removing the antlers from the sack she'd been carrying to replace them with the zealot's head.

Hidan glared at the damn darkness that was fucking everywhere around him.

This was not much fucking better than that shitty ass Jashin-damned hole.

Think damn happy thoughts. Slaughtering. Sacrificing the pineapple to Jashin-sama.

Fucking happy thoughts.

Akane made sure to keep the bad relatively stable as she turned to bow politely to Rikumaru, since the stag had never left. "Thank you, Rikumaru-sama. I apologize for being troublesome. We'll be headed out."

The great beast gave her a level stare.

"Hai, Rikumaru-sama. I am positive this baka can help us." Akane ignored the muffled 'Hey!' from her bag. "If he proves to be too much of a drag, I'll personally return him to his hole."

The stag gave a regal nod, seeming satisfied with this. Then the beast turned and vanished into the woods.

Akane moved to keep her bag as stable as possible while traveling home. It would be a drag to listen to the nuke-nin complaining if he got jostled too much.

She found herself glad her fellow Nara that were still wandering the compound took one glance at the antlers in her hands and deemed it too troublesome to assume that she had anything else but the same in the bag.

Plus, why would a loyal kunoichi of Konoha be bringing anything back that she shouldn't? Especially severed heads of S-class nuke-nin their clan head had dumped into a hole.

Akane made her way back to the small house on the Nara lands where she lived by herself. The Naras were wealthy enough that things like this weren't too uncommon.

Once sure to pull the blinds and make sure secure things, Akane finally freed her newfound guest from the bag.

To her surprise the foul-mouthed troublesome baka looked almost... shaken. Like being back in the confined space had bothered him.

Considering the situation he had just escaped, Akane found she couldn't really blame him.

"Fucking hell." The immortal muttered. Damn he was glad to be able to see again. Of fucking course he hadn't developed some shitty fear of being in a damn confined space. That sort of fucking thing was for pussies. He of course was a damn S-class nuke-nin and was fucking above that sort of shit.

Akane gave a muttered "troublesome" before putting taking a pillow, and put it where an unexpected visitor would not instantly see. After this, she set the severed head of her new guest down on it. "You can stay there until we meet with the Rokudaime." She stated simply.

"I'm fucking coming with you without a damn dispute this fucking time, Red?" Hidan smirked at her to cover his fucking immense relief of not being left in the damn bag overnight.

"I can almost promise that _if _Hokage-sama and Shikamaru-san agree to the deal, they'll want to know why I think I can get you to agree to it. Otherwise it would be troublesome to dig you up for nothing. That's when you can tell them yourself about being willing. Unless, of course, you think it's a drag and actually _want _to go back in the hole?" Akane had to admit that she felt mildly guilty about using the hole against him. But a shinobi uses anything they can to gain the upper hand against an opponent.

And until Hidan had some sort of seal on him, Akane knew better than to think of him as anything but an S-class nuke-nin that would gladly kill her given the chance.

"Jashin, fuck no!" The zealot snapped at her, almost blanching visibly at the idea of going back into the hole.

"I thought so. I can carry you to the office in the way I got you here. For this troublesome idea to work you will have to be _quiet._" Akane gave him an icy glare "People cannot know that I have a talking severed head anywhere on me."

"Fucking fine. I'll be damn silent." Fucking anything to stay away from those Jashin-damned rocks for the fucking rest of eternity.

"You're a religious man, yes?" Akane questioned.

"Of fucking course! I'm damn devoted!" Hidan glared at her.

"Then I suggest you start praying, Hidan. This troublesome conversation tomorrow can go wrong at least one thousand and ten ways, if I've counted correctly."

Hidan blinked. Damn. Had this bitch really fucking counted all the damn ways this fucking thing could go wrong? Fucking _seriously?!_

"Sleep well. It's a drag but we'll be up early tomorrow. If you somehow manage to prove to be too troublesome a house guest, I still have no issue sewing your mouth shut" with that, Akane strolled calmly away back towards her bedroom, leaving the severed head alone on his pillow.

The immortal grumbled to himself. It wasn't like he could fucking move to get more damn comfortable. But this shit situation was better than that fucking hole.

_Anything _was better than that Jashin-damned hole or returning to it.

Hidan had his damn pride sure.

But if fucking cooperating with Red and convincing the bastards to go along with the damn idea was his only shitty chance at permanently escaping that hell, then he'd be the most fucking well behaved zealot in to ever have a damn meeting with the Hokage.

His damn decision made, Hidan close his eyes, trying to get some rest and trying to think about how to appear fucking reformed and shit. Pussy Leaf-nins fucking ate up that repentance shit if his damn memory served him right.

So he'd fucking give it to them.

* * *

The sounds of movement woke Hidan faster than any damn thing had ever fucking done before.

It was fucking instinct to jump up and reach for his damn scythe.

Only... he was just a fucking severed head on some shitty pillow in the damn house of a bitch kunoichi he didn't fucking know.

There was not even a fucking twitch to show how his damn brain had reacted.

So his he fucking snapped. "Do you have to be so damn loud Red?"

"My house." Akane responded simply nibbling a piece of toast too lazy and too nervous to have anything else.

She would've offered him something.

But seeing as Hidan didn't exactly have a stomach currently...

The point of offering breakfast would be rather mute.

"Well, this is going to be a drag. Let's get this meeting over with" Akane moved to pick up the bag before moving towards her guest.

Hidan was not going to fucking like this. But this shit was his only damn chance. Even he wasn't fucking stupid enough to screw it up.

Akane glanced at him, glanced at the bag. There was no other way of doing this without drawing too much attention but... "It'd be troublesome to have you suffocate on our way there. I'll leave it slightly open."

She knew that it was completely bullshit to say. But... it was something. It would save the zealot's pride and let him have some light.

Claustrophobic immortals.

What a drag.

"I fucking guess you're right, Red." Hidan grumbled "Fucking fine. You can leave the shitty thing open." He was not fucking grateful. Of damn course not. And he wasn't going to fucking point out about the damn stupidity of suggesting he'd fucking suffocate in a damn bag if he hadn't fucking suffocated in the shitty hellhole.

He'd just silently fucking celebrate his damn mental superiority over what was fucking supposed to be a smart bitch.

Akane nodded before picking him up, and placing him in the bag. True to her word, she left it very slightly open, allowing in light.

She headed out, once again careful not to have the bag bounce around too much.

It really would be such a drag if he complained during the meeting.

That would ruin all their chances of convincing anybody of anything.

So, she had to make sure that his mode of transportation was a smooth one.

How troublesome.

Akane swallowed her own nerves as the Hokage monument grew larger and larger with each step.

Heading for the Tower was always a daunting thing.

But, no matter how troublesome it was, this was inescapable.

Had to be convincing.

Had to show them that her gut instinct and Nara intelligence had created a plan that would help stop this senseless bloodshed.

Had to sound like she wasn't suggesting bringing back the murderer of her cousin's beloved teacher when she really was.

Akane took a steadying breath before she continued her trek, a hand keeping the bag that held her temporary guest relatively still.

Time to have a very troublesome conversation with the Hokage.

* * *

_Is that a soft side to a violent Nara I see? Meh, must be imagining things._

**_Next time - _**_Nara Shikamara stared at Akane in mild disbelief from the chair next to hers in the office of the Hokage as she expanded upon the idea she had come up with, and wryly thought to himself 'Only a Nara with a name meaning brilliant red would think it a good idea to wake up a blood-loving zealot to go after a powerful mass murderer'._


	4. Meetings Are a Drag

_Did I mention this one would be moving slowly yet? xD_

**Disclaimer:** Don't Own Naruto

**Beta: **Shatteredstar21

_Lots of talking here..._

* * *

Out of habit, Akane kept her steps quiet as she made her way through the halls leading to the Hokage's office.

Her current companion had made very little noise this entire trip.

Hidan had to be on his best behavior to have a chance at getting out of that hole. Akane was sure he knew that.

Which explained why he was bothering to cooperate and be silent.

"Business, Nara-san?" An ANBU appeared as she reached the Hokage's door. Door shift was ANBU relief duty after taxing missions.

As such door ANBU tended to be... jumpy.

Akane nodded in greeting, pretending not to notice the signature gleam of red from the ANBU's eyes. "An audience with the Hokage, ANBU-san." Akane answered honestly. "I believe I may finally have a suggestion for something to help end the massacre."

She was very glad she was a kunoichi; otherwise keeping a poker face under the intense gaze of Sharingan would've made her react.

"And the bag, Nara-san?"

"The key to my plans." Akane didn't so much as twitch, keeping her gaze politely on his. This wasn't even a lie. A true kunoichi could lie with the truth if she had need. "Is the Hokage busy? It'll be a drag to walk all the way back."

The former rogue Uchiha stared at her for a few moments. "No, I think both he and Shikamaru-san will want to hear what you've got" Sasuke backed up, before the red faded out of his gaze. He watched her make her way towards the door. " ... Nara-san?"

Akane stopped and sent him a questioning look.

"I hope your idea will work." This Uchiha had seen enough violence to last him several lifetimes. He didn't need another War.

"I hope so too, ANBU-san." Akane nodded before continuing.

Hidan quietly seethed in the damn sack. He didn't know the damn bastard Red had fucking been talking to; but the interference had pissed him off. He wanted out of this damn bag!

At fucking least there was light this damn time and he could almost fucking see the shit that were going on around this Jashin-damned shitty mode of transportation.

Red was apparently fucking polite enough to knock on the damn Hokage's door. She'd never fucking mentioned who it was.

"Come in!"

"More troublesome news?"

Well damn. The fucking Kyuubi brat and the pineapple bastard in one place. Kakuzu would flip his shit about the damn money potential.

"I actually have an idea that may help us in our current dilemma, Hokage-sama. Shikamaru-san." Akane informed.

She watched as the almost forced grin on Naruto's face became a strange expression. Like the Hokage couldn't decide between actually grinning or instantly becoming serious.

Her relative however had no such qualms. Shikamaru's normally bored expression became interested, though he kept his normal drawl "I was wondering when our clan would come through. It's been troublesome to know no one could figure out anything." He lazily strolled over to shut the door, not wanting any potential idea of countering the murders to escape to be thwarted before they began.

In his damn bag, Hidan was wishing they'd just get fucking on with this shit.

"What's your idea, Nara-san?" Naruto's face brightened, the Rokudaime finally decided to grant her a fox-like grin.

"It may prove troublesome" Akane admitted off the bat, "But I'm sure it will work."

"Plans may be a drag, but something is better than this nothing we've been idling at." Shikamaru took a seat, intent on hearing what his clan member had to say.

As a fellow Nara, he knew plans were troublesome.

But when made by a member of their extended family, plans had a tendency to work.

Akane took one last steadying breath. Then she became to tell them of her idea and the deal she'd hashed out with Hidan the day before.

Hidan was merely fucking glad they were finally getting fucking _somewhere_ with this damn shit.

Nara Shikamaru stared at Akane in mild disbelief from the chair next to hers in the office of the Hokage as she expanded upon the idea she had come up with; and wryly thought to himself '_Only a Nara with a name meaning brilliant red would think it a good idea to wake up a blood-loving zealot to go after a powerful mass murderer_.'

Uzumaki Naruto, Rokudaime of Konohagakure was far beyond mild disbelief. The famous and legendary Sannin was openly gaping at her.

Akane finished her recital of the deal. "It would be troublesome, but I was hoping you might be able to do a seal."

"You want... to dig up an Akatsuki..." The esteemed Hokage repeated as if Akane hadn't made that point exceptionally clear.

The guest in her bag thought the Jinchuuriki was a fucking idiot. Even Hidan paid more damn attention than that!

"The one that killed my teacher." Shikamaru added, a note of anger in his voice.

Hidan scowled, trying to remember. Who was that bastard again? The smoking fucker? A grin now. Ah that was a damn fun sacrifice.

"Hai, Hokage-sama, Shikamaru-san." Akane continued levelly "I know it's far beyond normal to suggest something so troublesome."

"It's insane!" Naruto protested.

"Insanity may be needed, Hokage-sama. Everyone that's gone after whoever is doing this has _died_. And they will continue to kill. To get close to them, we need someone who _can't_ die." Akane reiterated one of her main points..

"And how would we trust him?! An Akatsuki!" Naruto shook his head.

Hidan gave a glare in what he assumed was the Hokage's direction. Had the shit not fucking listened to a damn word?

"The seal, as I've mentioned three times now, sir." Akane sighed.

"I know you said that! But I don't know if it can be done!" Naruto stood going over to a shelf of scrolls.

"You're considering this troublesome idea?" Shikamaru questioned.

The Nara clan head himself was torn between instantly refusing this insane plan... and giving it his honest consideration.

Asuma-sensei's murderer... back loose... that made his blood boil.

But...

If there was even the slightest chance to rid themselves of serial murderer with another murderer's help...

It was more than they'd had previously...

"Ne, I think I've got something. Hold on." Naruto pulled out more and more scrolls, the floor now cluttered with them as the Rokudaime went over various seals. On a blank scroll he was drawing.

One seal. Scratched out. Another seal. Left incomplete. And so on and so forth.

Akane counted about twenty something seals.

When Naruto finished his twenty-seventh one... he nodded in a satisfied manner. "It's not exactly perfect. But it's the closest thing possible on a human." He stood taking it back to his desk and tapping the paper. "Let's pretend I'm giving this insanity my consideration. This-" He tapped the seal he'd drawn. "-would fit the requirements you gave me... Mostly."

"Mostly." Akane echoed.

Hidan gave his best death glare at the walls of the bag. The fuck did _mostly_ mean?

"It would keep him loyal... to one person only. Not the whole of Konoha. For a lack of a better way of explaining this..." Naruto nipped his hand his hand, summoned a small toad the blinked at them before dismissing itself. "It'd be like that."

"A... summoning contract?" The apocalypse had to be near. Naruto had gotten confused looks from not one but two Naras.

"Yes and no. Like a summon is only loyal to someone that's signed the scroll... the Akatsuki would only be loyal to the person who's blood I mixed into the seal. They'd be the only one capable of reigning him in and... if they saw fit... releasing him."

Hidan almost scoffed before he remembered he fucking had to be silent. Guess he better pick damn carefully from that shitty list they gave him.

Or...

Better fucking yet...

He could go with his damn impulse and at least have the fucking guarantee of some damn entertainment.

"Any effects on the person... tied to him?" Shikamaru questioned "This is an immortal madman we're talking about."

"I don't know." The Rokudaime sighed "It's the best I can do though... if we're considering the idea."

Shikamaru took a moment to think to himself.

He did _not _want to free his sensei's murderer from the prison of rock where he had left him.

But there was still the threat of a much more vicious killer about.

That _thing_, for there was no way the Akatsuki was human, had murdered his sensei. A man he'd been close to and admired.

But this... idea.

It was the only suggestion the entirety of the Nara clan had come up with.

If he threw this away when would they figure out something else?

Would they ever?

And in the meantime, how many more would die?

How many more mutilated bodies to be discovered?

Then there was the ever present threat of the war.

How much longer could the Nations sit at this stalemate?

Shikamaru sighed.

This was all so troublesome.

And he was trapped between a rock and a hard place.

"Are you positive that thing will work?" He questioned Naruto at last, decision made. "It would be a drag if it didn't."

"It will work or my name isn't Uzumaki Naruto." The Hokage grinned, acting much like the happy self he had been before all of this horror had started to strain even the brightest of souls.

"Then we have a troublesome task ahead of us. We have to figure out how to convince a blood loving Akatsuki to agree to this deal. After we dig him up." Shikamaru sighed. It would be such a drag.

"Actually..."Akane reached for the bag "I know he agrees."

"Huh?" Naruto blinked at her while Shikamaru gave the bag a look. She didn't...

"Sup bitches? Done fucking talking about me?"

She had.

Akane set Hidan's head on the edge of the desk, carefully avoiding any papers.

"That's officially the nastiest thing I've ever had on this desk." Naruto made a face.

"Fuck you, bastard!" Hidan was glad he could finally give the fucking Hokage a death glare the bastard would see.

"Hidan." Akane reminded, voice going into that dangerously sweet tone.

"Right. Damn behaving. I didn't fucking forget, Red" Hidan scowled "So, yeah I agree to this shit."

Cause there was no way in Jashin damn hell he was returning to the fucking rocks.

Shikamaru stared at the head of the man that had killed Asuma. An icy stare that would intimidate lesser men. Hidan merely met his gaze with a glare of his own. The zealot must hold a grudge about being put in the ground.

"We'll come up with a list of people for you then." Naruto spoke, attempting to break off the staring contest before something spontaneously combusted. "Shikamaru will not be on it." he added after a moment.

"Can I make a damn suggestion?" Hidan smirked.

"We may not listen to it." Naruto countered.

"If I have to be leashed like a damn summon, I fucking suggest and want this bitch as my damn 'contractor' or whatever-the-shit you'd fucking call it." Hidan flicked his eyes to Akane. "She and I already fucking get along, don't we Red?"

"Is that what you call this troublesome association we have?" Akane stared at him levelly.

"You fucking know you like me."

"And what made you think this?"

"The lack of some damn denial."

Akane couldn't help her smirk. So, this zealot could play at a game of wits when he wanted to. It was rare for someone to challenge a Nara.

Restraining him would be quite troublesome.

But it was likely she was the only person who would be willing to do so.

"I accept the suggestion of keeping this troublesome nuke-nin in check, if you'd let me, Hokage-sama, Shikamaru-san." She gave the zealot a feral smirk. "I'll be sure to keep him from being a drag."

Hidan wasn't fucking sure if that smirk was damn sexy or fucking terrifying.

Naruto and Shikamaru exchanged glances.

It wasn't like they were going to have _volunteers_ wanting to work with an immortal Akatsuki.

"As Hokage I officially charge you, Nara Akane with the control of the Akatsuki nuke-nin." Naruto nodded, starting to fish out special paint. He poured some of it into a smaller cup. "I'll need some of your blood."

Akane complied, pricking her fingers with a kunai.

"Where are you going to fucking put my new tattoo?" Hidan grinned at them "Better look damn badass."

"Right on the back of your neck, just below your hairline" Naruto moved, making an 'ick' face before turned the severed head and moving Hidan's hair out of the way. Then careful to use a new brush and not drip the paint he drew the seal flawlessly. "Nara-san. Put some of your chakra on it to force it dry. It'll cement the seal."

Akane moved to obey, letting her hand glow with her chakra before placing her hand on the back of his neck.

There was the sense of a lock clicking into pace and a heady feeling like she'd just attempted a jutsu that was almost too much for her.

Fucking Jashin-damned hell! That fucking hurt! He could almost hear a damn _click_ in his mind. He was going fucking nuts.

"Nara Akane." Shikamaru finally spoke, "You are now... 'contracted' to the S-class nuke-nin Hidan."

"If that's what a real summoning feels like, I'm glad I thought them too troublesome." Akane muttered.

"At least you weren't on my fucking end of it! That fucking hurt!"

"We'll... arrange for the rest of him to be dug up and reassembled by Baa-chan." Naruto resisted the urge to sigh. "The fewer people that know we're doing something this crazy the better."

"I'll need some fucking clothes too! My damn Akatsuki stuff is torn to hell." Hidan glared at Shikamaru "And I'm not wearing damn heathen Leaf shit."

"We'll figure out something." The Hokage started making out a message for the previous Hokage. "Shikamaru, have the smallest most trusted group of ANBU you can get to gather the rest of... him. Nara-san, you can go ahead and take him to Baa-chan and wait there." Hope the foul-mouthed head didn't anger granny Tsunade too much.

"Hai, Hokage-sama." Akane picked Hidan up and put him back in the bag before setting out to visit the previous Godaime.

Shikamaru waited until she was gone to let his worry show. They had no idea how this... seal/contract/thing would affect his cousin. And while he and Akane weren't close, they were family and so he worried for her safety.

Especially since she was now bound to _that_ guy.

"Troublesome." He muttered before going to gather the ANBU Naruto wanted.

* * *

"It's safe to speak, if you want." Akane informed her troublesome bag hitchhiker glancing at the opening she'd left him again.

"Where are we fucking going now?" Came the instant demand.

"To visit the previous Godaime. Tsunade-sama." Akane clarified "She's got more than enough skill to path you back up."

"Fucking finally! I'm going to get my damn body back!"

"If you don't anger Tsunade-Hime enough that she destroys the rest of you." Akane couldn't help smirking, though she knew her newfound troublesome partner couldn't see it.

"Fucking bitch. More damn behavior." Hidan was fucking eager to be rid of this shitty place. At least he could fucking be his normal damn self around the bitch it seemed.

"Don't be too much of a drag once we're out hunting." Akane warned him with that terrifyingly sweet tone.

He was fucking starting to recognize that as a sign of her damn sadism. "Fucking whatever, Red. We'll be too occupied with the bastard for me to cause too much shit." Biggest damn lie he'd told in a fucking long time.

"You really must think I'm an idiot if you think I'm going to buy that." Akane drawled.

Jashin fucking damn it.

Why had he fucking wanted this bitch again?

Ah.

That was fucking right.

Some damn entertainment. Someone that could fucking dish out the same sadism he fucking did.

Well, it looked like he got his damn wish.

It would be fucking very entertaining to see what it fucking took to both outsmart and unsettle Red.

He knew he couldn't fucking hurt her thanks to the damn seal.

But by the time he was done showing her what he was fucking capable of on others, she'd be begging to take the shitty leash off him.

* * *

_So, for those confused about the seal, it does the basic things that have been mentioned numerous time like keep Hidan loyal-ish and prevent him from just running off on a killing spree. But as it's a tie to one person it's like the exceedingly warped version of a summoning contract. Akane can't summon him (though that would be hilarious). That's simply the closest thing comparable to it. _

_**Next time**__ –"Allow me to get this straight. I'm putting __**him**__ back together?"_

_"Hai Tsunade-sama"._

_"Fucking right bitch!"_

_Tsunade cracked her knuckles, hands glowing with menacing chakra._

_"... It's troublesome but I feel I should reiterate that the Rokudaime approved of this plan, Tsunade-sama"_


	5. Getting Repairs

_And now we start getting some progress. I did say this would be slow_

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Naruto**  
**

**Beta: **Shatteredstar21

_Hidan plus Tsunade is not a safe combination..._

* * *

Konoha was perhaps the largest of the Hidden Villages, though the word 'village' didn't suit any of the main shinobi Nations.

As such, it was very easy to get lost if the person traveling the streets of the Leaf wasn't from here.

Akane, as a kunoichi of Konoha, had no such issues finding her way through the twists and turns of the streets while making her way to the newest destination.

Hidan was damn glad he didn't have his stomach attached to him. This bitch's bag was a shitty mode of transportation.

He'd lost fucking track of all the turns they'd made.

Akane gave a glance at the nice home they'd finally arrived at. Tsunade-sama could be found either here or the hospital. The hospital would be too busy for what they needed the healer to do. If Tsunade-sama wasn't here already, Akane and her troublesome bag-guest would have to wait until she arrived.

Thankfully, from the motion inside the house, Akane guessed rightly Tsunade was already inside. Hopefully already informed by a trusted ANBU of her part.

Akane had walked for a reason. It had been a drag going at civilian speed, but this would allow ANBU to both alert Tsunade and start retrieving the... parts from the hole.

She knocked politely, not wanting to insult the temperamental healer with a lack of courtesy.

Tsunade swung the door open, glanced at Akane's bag with a scowl, before admitting her. "Nara." She greeted "I hear you have a... patient for me."

Not that Tsunade was particularly wanting _this_ patient. She'd thought that the ANBU had finally gone stir crazy when they'd told her of the plan involving the Akatsuki.

"Hai, Tsunade-sama." Akane set the bag down before retrieving Hidan from it.

Nuke-nin and former Hokage glared at each other.

"Sup bitch?" Hidan finally spoke. Yep, this was the fucking Hokage he remembered.

Tsunade narrowed her eyes. Being told of what the plan and seeing/hearing this Akatsuki first hand were two entirely different things. She wanted to beat his face in. The previous Gondaime refrained. Couldn't destroy what might be their only chance. Even if he deserved to be punted across the Village.

She scowled, wishing Shizune hadn't hidden her sake again. Maybe she would hold Tonton captive until her old student fessed up about where it was hidden.

"Allow me to get this straight." Never any harm confirming ANBU reports and the fact she was seeing a talking severed head "I'm putting **_him_** back together?"

"Hai Tsunade-sama." Akane nodded, sensing danger.

"Fucking right bitch!" Hidan echoed the confirmation with a smirk.

Tsunade cracked her knuckles, hands glowing with menacing chakra. Screw being nice! He was getting punched from here to Iwa!

" ... It's troublesome but I feel I should reiterate that the Rokudaime approved of this plan," Tsunade-sama." Akane needed to prevent the healer from destroying her newfound partner entirely before they'd even gotten a chance to go after the threat.

Thankfully there was a poof as three ANBU shunshined into the house with bags.

Bags that when set down were revealed to contain... parts.

"This was everything of note in the hole." One ANBU spoke up.

Akane carried Hidan over to the bags, allowing the head to check and see if all the pieces to him were present.

"Looks like everything's fucking here." He confirmed.

Tsunade glared once more before moving to pick up all the bags and stomp towards a back room, shaking the house as she did so. This was by far the _worst_ healing she would ever have to do.

The three ANBU smartly shunshined away.

Akane couldn't do the same for herself since she was still carrying Hidan's head. How troublesome.

Tsunade's stomping led them to a room she'd cleared out for this express purpose after being informed of the plan. The only thing in here was a raised cot. The healer unceremoniously dumped most of the bags and started putting things in the area they should be going. Not like her patient could feel any pain from the dumped parts.

Akane set Hidan's head down, turning her gaze away, not particularly wanting to see more of her current partner than she should. A glint of metal caught her eyes, coming from the one bag left undisturbed. The ANBU had retrieved Hidan's stuff from the hole.

One by one, Akane retrieved the items inside to inspect them.

The hitai-ate was in remarkably good condition. The cloth was more fayed and the metal lightly scratched here and there but it was nothing compared to the signature slash that indicated a nuke-nin.

There was a pendent of some kind. A rosary almost. Some sort of strange symbol involving a triangle and a circle. While the chain was snapped, and the metal of the pendent also slightly scratched up, this was also in fairly good condition considering what had happened to it.

The crimson scythe, however, was a mockery of a weapon. It was completely useless.

Hidan scowled, having been set so that he could watch both bitches at the same damn time.

"My shit is in fucking pathetic condition." He scowled at it.

To him the marks on his Jashinist pendent were the most insulting. And his damn scythe...

"It will be troublesome, but I'll have them fixed for you." Akane had found her way of escaping the danger that was Tsunade and Hidan together. "I'll be back."

She was of course not feeling one bit guilty about leaving the immortal to fend for himself with Tsunade-sama.

Akane replaced the things in the bag, before lifting it "Hidan, you are to behave." She snapped at the zealot "And _not _be troublesome. Tsunade-sama... please don't destroy any part of him. We need him."

With that, the Nara made her escape.

* * *

Well, this was just fucking Jashin-damned perfect.

Left with only the blond bitch.

He watched her shitty... or rather not-so-shitty work.

Some too fucking quiet minutes passed.

Tsunade, now immersed in the strange work that was healing a body like this, was ignoring the annoyance's stare. She _really _wanted sake. Shizune would be hunted down as

Hidan opened his mouth to starting being a damn nuisance.

He was fucking bored!

Much to his surprise, he couldn't make one shitty noise.

Not a fucking syllable.

What.

The.

Jashin-damned.

Motherfucking.

**_Hell._**

He was a stubborn asshole, so he tried again.

Same Jashin-damned result.

The actual fuck?!

This was bullshit!

Realization. It was that motherfucking seal.

He really was fucking collared like a damn summon.

Was he prevented from saying fucking anything?!

Think. A damn relative question or some shit like that.

Something that wouldn't be fucking considered... _troublesome_.

If he could sacrifice that shitty word to Jashin-sama, he would.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He managed. A relative question as he honestly had no idea what the blond bitch was currently working on.

"Putting your sorry ass back together." Tsunade snapped at him. She knew this nuke-nin was not the brightest, but that fact should be plain as day.

"I meant damn specifically." Hidan growled back.

So it wasn't a fucking enforced silence.

Red's damn order had been to fucking behave and not be 'troublesome'.

Apparently, shitty conversation with even this bullshit excuse of a point to it fell into that.

Why Jashin-sama?

Why had he fucking sunk this low?

Oh right.

That damn pineapple bastard and the shitty rocks.

"If you must know, I'm healing your ribs. They're cracked and broken in various places." Tsunade shot him a scathing look. He was probably just wanting to be a nuisance. So she returned her attention to the rib she was healing, wishing instead that she could break it.

Hidan grumbled to himself.

Waiting for Red to get back with his shit like this was going to take a fucking long time.

* * *

Akane was still not sorry about leaving Hidan to the tender mercies of the previous Godaime.

Besides, it was troublesome to remain nearby with violence just waiting to ensue.

Plus, his things really did need fixing.

She could probably get most of the scratches on the Hitai-ate and the pendent out herself.

But the scythe was another matter.

So, she made her way to her personal favorite weapons dealer.

"Akane-san!" the elderly smith greeted happily "What can I do for you?"

Most shinobi tended to underestimate this smith's skill as he was both truly an elder in his seventies and a civilian at that.

Akane knew better.

"Hideki-sama." She greeted in return before producing the scythe. "Can you do anything with this?"

The elder made his way over to inspect the sorry excuse for a weapon. He liked the Nara, she brought interesting weapons to him all the time. This one was by far the most unique. And the most damaged.

"This poor girl has seen better days. She must've been a beauty." Hideki mourned. He was a weapon's enthusiast and hated to see one like this. "What happened to her?"

"Cave in." Akane answered. It wasn't really even a lie. "Can you fix it? The owner is quite fond of it."

The smith picked up the scythe, gently testing its weight. "I can see why. This beauty could cause some real damage in her hay-day." Hideki examined the scythe "I might be able to do something..."

"Please? I'll pay extra for it to be usable asap. It's a drag but, the owner and I... we've got to head out soon.." As Hideki was a civilian Akane couldn't be outright told about missions.

But she knew he'd understand what she meant.

The old man should've been a shinobi with his ability to look underneath the underneath.

"How soon?" he cocked his head.

"... Probably at nightfall." Otherwise Hidan would attract troublesome attention.

"Akane-san, you do love giving me challenges." Hideki's eyes gleamed and a grin crossed his face. "Come back just before you leave then. I'll work my magic, and this lovely thing will be even better than she was before!" The old man moved with surprising zip to start his task "And no pay this time, Akane-san! I don't get to work with rare weapons like this often! So, this is pay enough."

Akane shook her head. She knew better than to argue.

Hideki's word was law when it came to his shop.

"As you wish, Hideki-sama." She continued back for her home, intending to repair the Hitai-ate and pendent she still had in the bag herself.

Only once back on the Nara compound and inside her home did she fish out the two remaining chores.

"Troublesome." Akane muttered going to retrieve her weapons cleaning and repair kit, one she'd gotten from Hideki himself.

It had been expensive, but well worth every Ryou.

Whatever Hideki put in his cleaning oil, it made scratches and such diminish to a point they were almost erased.

So, she took up the Hitai-ate first. Akane gave it another examination. Since Yugakure had converted to being a civilian resort not long after the Third War she'd never seen the symbol for it before today.

Absently, she traced the three lines that had once indicated loyalty to the Hot Water Village.

Had they been strong once?

They'd produced at least one S-rank ninja...

Had there been others?

Her fingers went over the linear scratch that indicated a nuke-nin.

Wonder what had caused her current partner's defection?

Was that a question the immortal would answer?

It probably was. Troublesome man had had no qualms about flaunting his nuke-nin status earlier when offered the remote idea of rejoining a Village.

Knowing that baka, Hidan would be more than happy to elaborate on why he'd left what she could already hear him referring to as 'pussy heathens' or a 'pansy ass Village'.

Akane shook her head to clear her musing and set to work on the metal of the Hitai-ate, cleaning it.

Hideki's cleaning oil worked its magic, reducing the minor scratches to be next to unnoticeable unless someone were as close to the metal as Akane herself was currently.

She doubted most would survive getting so close to the person who'd be wearing it again, so his pride would be saved.

Akane retrieved a needle and black thread. Sewing was a useful skill, though it had been a drag to learn.

She set about reducing the fraying of the cloth. After a moment, she gave a satisfied nod. It almost looked like this headband hadn't been buried under a pile of rocks.

Akane turned her attention to the pendant. She cleaned the necklace as well, before moving to heat the metal with a small torch-thing Hideki had included in the kit. This could heat small parts of metal for tiny repairs that most shinobi wouldn't want to visit a smith for.

She used it to bind the metal beads back together. Another satisfied nod, flicking the flame off. A barely noticeable repair. Akane tested the clasp, ensuring that it worked.

There.

Now the troublesome baka couldn't complain as much.

* * *

Hidan gave a sneer.

Having had his damn head attached back on so many fucking times was really getting old.

But at least this shit was done.

Tsunade gave her own mental sigh of relief as she neared the last bit of healing on his neck. Patching someone up from that sorry state was taxing even for her. Especially when that someone was as annoying as this particular male.

The zealot glanced at a pile of cloth left nearby.

More ANBU pussies had come and gone, leaving clothes for him.

"There." The blond bitch finished her work. "You can move now."

"Fucking thanks." Red would most likely make him say the shitty words later if he didn't now.

The Gondaime was sure the sky would start raining fire. This annoying man had actually bothered thanking her. Though, she was positive he didn't mean a word of it.

Hidan cricked his neck as he stood; glad at least there weren't any damn stitches needed this fucking time around.

Jashin damn it, he was hungry!

Being in a shitty hole so long had left him fucking starving!

On cue, his bastard of a stomach growled loudly. He pretended to ignore it, going to fetch the damn clothes they'd left.

Damn standard shinobi shoes and pants, much like he'd worn while with the Akatsuki bastards.

Ignoring the blond bitch's look, he put them on.

Tsunade had heard that growl. It was no real surprise that someone who had gone without food as long as he had would be hungry. It was a miracle in itself he could still walk. But there seemed to be no atrophy or degeneration of the muscles. How odd.

Hidan ignored the shitty shirt, going straight for the cloak.

He fucking suspected they'd only provided one since they were trying to keep his help a Jashin-damned secret.

This cloak was really damn similar one to his Akatsuki one. Only it was solid black.

Eh. He'd never much cared for the fucking clouds.

Hidan put this on as well, wearing it in the same style he'd worn his Akatsuki shit, just to fucking remind them who exactly he was.

Now he felt a lot more like his old damn self.

Where was Red with the rest of his shit anyway?

There was a knock on Tsunade's door before Red strolled in. They exchanged nods of greeting.

Think of the she-devil and she shall appear.

Wow. She really was fucking short.

Best not to mention that. Hidan didn't want a Jashin-damn kunai about to remove one of his eyes again.

Akane blinked at seeing her newfound partner whole. He was tall, having several inches on her.

"No shirt?" She drawled, offering him a bag.

Hidan took it. "Too fucking troublesome." He smirked at her before inspecting the contents. It was most of his shit back! And it looked much damn better, as Red had promised.

Tsunade took this chance to go get something for both shinobi. While she didn't like the Akatsuki _at all_, having these two weak from hunger would be counterproductive. Their mission had to succeed. It simply had to. She was so tired of the news of shinobi being lost.

Akane was amazed when the immortal retrieved the pendent before giving it an almost reverent sort of kiss. Then he slid it on before donning his Hitai-ate once more as well.

"You even gave me some damn weapons." Hidan smirked as he fished out the set of kunai. He almost gave a low whistle on inspecting them. There was fucking good quality!

"You'll get your scythe back later. It'd be drag for you to be completely weaponless until then. So, you get kunai." Akane thought he almost looked like a kind on his birthday when he examined the offered kunai.

"I thought you didn't fucking trust me?" Hidan questioned. He took one of the blades to his too damn long hair, slicing the excess off

"If working with you is to be anything less than a drag the entire time, have to start with attempting trust. So, you get kunai." Akane gave him a level stare. "Don't make me regret giving those to you."

Hidan smirked at her, spinning the kunai on his finger easily. "Don't worry so fucking much, Red. I already promised to be on my best damn behavior."

"Here you two." Tsunade returned with food. A lot of food. Shinobi needed more calories than a civilian and she had a malnourished one here. "You'll be needing this."

"Fuck yes!" Hidan nearly jumped on the food like a starving wolf.

"Hidan." Akane snapped. "Manners."

"Damn it! Fine! Thanks! Now let me fucking eat!"

Tsunade glared, restraining herself. Couldn't pound what might be the only hope of ending the slaughter into dust after all. "You should eat as well." She glanced at the Nara. Who knows what type of rations they'd be able to hunt down once outside of Konoha.

"It's probably not safe to approach." Akane muttered dryly, eying how the zealot was scarfing down his food.

"I don't fucking bite, Red." Hidan snapped, hearing that. Thanks to the shitty seal she was the only person in the damn universe safe from him. Had the bitch really fucking forgotten that? "Eat some shit too."

"Troublesome baka." Akane sighed before going to join the immortal. She sat a safe distance away, out of reach and at just the right angle to dodge a thrown kunai.

Trust was going to be a slow thing between these two unlikely partners.

But Tsunad watched them closely, seeing them relax while they focused on the food. Perhaps that seal meant they would at least come to cooperate more. If these two were going hunting a mass murderer, they needed to be a team.

Much as the healer herself hated to admit that fact.

* * *

The duo stayed in Tsunade's house, waiting on sunset. She was not pleased by having to share her home with the annoying zealot, but understood the caution. Civilians and shinobi alike would freak out if they saw who's help they were relying on.

Akane left just before they would need to start heir mission to retrieve the final piece of Hidan's gear.

"Hideki-sama?" She called into the shop.

"Here Akane-san! A beauty is she not?" the old man returned, a gleaming triple-bladed scythe in his hands.

Hidan's blade had been restored to its former glory, the cord on it whole once more as well.

"Did you... add something?" Akane couldn't quite tell but there was something different about it, aside from the fact it was usable again.

"Of course! I strengthened the metal, made it shaper and sturdier than I believe it has been previously, and made the cord more flexible. I thought about making it lighter, but I know shinobi are picky about their weapon weights. So, I left that the same." Hideki offed the scythe up with a sigh. "It was such fun, working with a lovely creature like that blade."

"I'll pass your compliments on to the owner." Akane assured, collecting the weapon before bowing politely. "Thank you, Hideki-sama."

"If your friend ever wants to sell that, send them to me!" Hideki waved her off.

The Nara nodded before heading back to the rendezvous point.

There were back ways out of Konoha for high ranking missions.

She and Hidan were taking the one closest to Tsunade's house. The Godaime herself had given them very precise instructions on how to get there.

The immortal stood there, concealed in the shadows by the hidden exit.

"Took you damn long enough, Red... is that my fucking scythe?" Hidan blinked at the weapon Akane carried. It seemed... changed. It was still the same damn color, the same length, everything looked as he fucking remembered his weapon. Except... it was sharper. More damn lethal looking. He could work with that.

"It is. The smith who repaired it fell in love with it if you're ever willing to part." She offered it to him.

Hidan briefly took off his cloak so he could attach the chord and thread it through his sleeve before putting the garment back on.

He took a practice swing. "Just like I fucking remember it. And tell the damn smith go find his own scythe. This one's mine." He then strapped the weapon to his back.

"I thought as much." Akane shook her head.

"Fucking ready when you are." The immortal glanced at their exit.

Too damn small and fucking dark for his tastes.

"Let's get going then."

There was a blur of movement.

Two shadows made their way out of Konoha unnoticed by everyone save the single ANBU the Rokudaime had assigned to ensure the secrecy of them leaving.

After all, if this insane plan was going to work, the fewer people that knew, the better.

* * *

_Progress! Out of Konoha. Now the real fun gets to start :3  
_

**_Next time_**_- "So, Red, where do we start this damn hunt?" He wanted free of the shity seal asap._

_That's when Akane led them to a clearing not far from Konoha. "Here" she informed simply "I received a note from the Hokage telling me this was the site of the most recent... incident. Thought I should show you what we're after, though it's troublesome". Akane was almost... pale. The sight before them was not a pretty one.  
_

_Hidan stared. Holy Jashin-sama... even his most fucking violent sacrifices paled in comparison to... this shit. It was enough to almost make even_ him_ sick._


	6. Cause and Effect

_A tad bit on the short side_

**Disclaimer: **Don't Own Naruto

**Beta: **Shatteredstar21

_Hope you enjoy any ways :)_

* * *

Akane moved carefully through the enormous forest surrounding Konoha.

There were still some ANBU patrols even with the Rokudaime restricting missions. The patrols were too vital to be completely stopped. This would be Konoha's first warning of war should it come to that.

The patrols also picked up... other disturbing news.

Like the news she was currently guiding her newly acquired partner towards while trying to keep them from being spotted. Loyal ANBU would react in a troublesome manner if they spotted her with a nuke-nin.

It was a long shot. But, there was a very slim chance Hidan knew or recognized this sort of killing method. Kami alone knew what information the man had had access to while in the Akatsuki.

That, and it'd be a drag for her current partner to be working blind.

He needed to see some things for himself.

Akane herself was not looking forward to the visual firsthand, having only seen pictures before.

Hidan may be a dense bastard sometimes, but even he could tell Red was leading them fucking somewhere. He'd thought the pussy Leaf shinobi had no shitty idea about where to find the asshole that was causing the damn issues.

Was this some sort of fucking game? But then why would they dig his ass up? Red had made it Jashin-damn clear that the bastards need his help.

Plus Hidan needed a sacrifice for Jashin-sama. His god was probably _pissed_ about the delay.

"So Red, where do we start this damn hunt?" He wanted free of the shitty seal ASAP.

That's when Akane led them to a clearing not far from Konoha. "Here." She informed simply "I received a note from the Hokage telling me that this was the site of the most recent... incident. Thought you should know what we're after, though it's troublesome." Akane was almost... pale. The sight before them was not a pretty one.

Hidan stared. Holy Jashin-sama... even his most fucking violent sacrifices paled in comparison to... this shit. It was enough to almost make _him _sick.

When he did a damn sacrifice, the bastard on the receiving end tended to stay mostly fucking whole. It was a bitch to have Kakuzu reattach limbs and such.

Hidan had even seen what the old miser bastard was capable of when pissed. Kakuzu could positively shred his damn enemies.

Hell, he'd fucking seen what the whole shitty Akatsuki could do. Except the shitty Lollipop, but he didn't count.

This... fucking topped them all.

If forced to describe the shit... Hidan would say it was like these sorry heathen bastards had managed to be damn idiots and piss off the entire Akatsuki; who then for some fucking reason had attacked in full force at once. That was the only damn thing that would come fucking close to this result.

Akane was trying not to be sick

The grass wasn't green anymore in some places. There was so much blood. The... bits were scattered and rendered unrecognizable. Was that a head? A torso? A foot? Akane couldn't tell. It was even impossible to tell if that was an organ that had once been on the inside and been ripped out and into shreds or if that was something like a limb that had been mutilated.

As per usual, the only thing untouched were the Hitai-ate. Left gleaming in the sunlight on a suspiciously clean path of ground.

Wanting to draw attention to them.

Akane didn't dare trying to get close, suspecting a trap. The symbols were clear from here.

All Konoha.

Not like Hidan liked the Leaf bastards, but he could now fucking see why they wanted his damn help in this.

"Not a damn killing style I recognize." He informed her, walking out into the mess. Wasn't like any shitty traps could kill him. Hidan crouched to poke a finger in the blood and tasted it. "No shitty poison either. Certainly not a fucking sacrifice to Jashin-sama either."

"The sacrifice... how can you tell?" Akane had to focus on something to keep the disgust and nausea of this scene at bay.

"I fucking doubt even I could come back from doing this sort of shit to someone with my curse jutsu." Hidan scoffed. He didn't fancy tearing himself into itty bitty painfully shredded pieces, spilling his blood everywhere. "To do a fucking proper sacrifice the curse jutsu is needed. Jashin-sama would not appreciate a damn sacrifice done incorrectly. Plus, as a fucking whole, Jashinism is a rare religion."

"Safe bet then to say they're not like you." Akane nodded in agreement. "There's been no demand, no claims, nothing except their Hitai-ate being unmarked."

"Fucking, bitch. No damn wonder you pussies need my help." Hidan continued to examining the shit he could with the damn eye of someone who'd once been partners with a money-loving bounty hunter bastard. Kakuzu had all but drilled the shit into his damn skull. Red had told him of how fucking little they had to go off of. But this was fucking Jashin-damned ridiculous. How the shit was he supposed to provide any- wait a fucking second.

"No damn claims. Tearing the bastards beyond fucking identification. Then why leave the shitty Hitai-ate?"

"We noticed the contradiction. Why attract attention and simultaneously not want it? The only thing we can figure is so far they haven't left any of the current Villages out" Akane answered.

"Either a fucking nuke-nin, or someone trying to cover their damn tracks. At least damn S-class to be capable of this shit." Hidan grumbled going to look at the Hitai-ate. "How the fuck do these have so damn little damage?" He picked one up, tossing the damn thing to Red. She was the fucking smart one.

"A Village would notice one of its loyal shinobi going AWOL in these tense times." Akane caught it, examining the Hitai-ate closely. How _did_ this thing have so little damage? "The tie is cut." She stated, finding this fact easily "Possibly goes for the Hitai-ate first..." a grass stain barely visible on the cloth. "Lets them fall to the ground. Most shinobi wouldn't risk retrieving them mid-battle. Our killer could pick them up as he/she fights though, keeping them in good condition and preventing damage from jutsu and such."

"Any damn nuke-nin Hitai-ate show up?" Hidan was still picking his fucking way through the shitty mess. "Could always have been more than one bastard."

"A few, but rarer than the loyal shinobi." Akane answered. "True. But what reason would a group of shinobi loyal or nuke-nin have to do this?"

"Peace." Hidan answered picking up a fallen kunai. "It was the shitty Akatsuki's goal. Both damn versions, the one leader-teme told me, and the one fucking told to you about the Infinite Tsukiyomi shit."

"There's already peace before they stared this... but not a permanent solution." Akane was a Nara. She was smart enough to know that while the Nations had been relaxed, even without this current situation, something else would've eventually started the violence again.

"Or they were damn sick of sitting idle and wanted some fucking violence."

"So they cause a war. Get their violence. For what?" Akane grumbled. "Permanent peace..." she spoke aloud to help herself think "I could see a twisted goal of eliminating all shinobi so that there's no one left to fight. But that's a goal most killers would announce."

"Then they're fucking wanting violence for shits and giggles." Hidan smirked "Like my damn style only much worse."

"A true psychopath." Akane made a face.

"Takes one to know one." Hidan's smirk grew wider.

"Any ideas we come up with without more evidence are nothing more than troublesome idle conjecture." She sighed, ignoring the fact the baka had called her a psychopath. Conflict would be a drag. "But at least we've got two options of the why. Just not the who." They'd only really know the why if the person themselves told them outright.

"Well you're in fucking luck." The immortal stretched lazily as he stood. "I got a damn trail. Fucking trust me. You don't partner with Kakuzu without learning some shit. The old miser bastard wouldn't let me slack."

Akane considered for a few moments. Anyone who went after the killer typically ended up dead. But, that meant the killer or killers would eventually show themselves.

She also had no protest about leaving this disgusting sight behind.

"Lead the way then." Not like the baka could hurt her. That... and they really did need to start trusting each other to be an effective team. So, she'd give him the benefit of the doubt. It'd be a drag for him if he made her regret this decision.

"Yes ma'am, bitch" Hidan gave her a mocking salute before jumping out of the gory scene easily.

* * *

Akane followed him quietly. Several minutes passed with Hidan leading them out of fire towards what seemed to be absolutely nowhere if Akane's mental map was correct.

But she had to trust the zealot.

She glanced at him. Might as well try being friendly... They hadn't exactly gotten off on the right foot...

"Why are you a nuke-nin?" Akane asked simply.

"Fucking curious, Red?" Hidan snickered. "I left the damn Hot Water Village for converting into a shitty civilian resort. Their damn shinobi fought and died in the Third War. We were fucking terrors even if Yugakure is so damn small. And how do they fucking honor the blood shed? By deciding it's a shitty hassle, or_ troublesome_, and that the civilian route of tourism was the fucking way to go. So I killed some shit bastards and left." The immortal rolled his eyes. "Pussy heathens."

Akane guessed he must have lost friends that had died in the Third War, even if may have not fought in it himself. He might have for all she knew. Hidan _was_ immortal. It was a strange thought. Considering that the violent man had had people he'd cared about.

"What about your damn story?"

"N-Nani?"

"Your Jashin-damn story, Red. Tell me." Hidan gave her a look "I had to blab my shit. You fucking have to too."

Akane shook her head. "I'm just your average Nara of Konohagakure."

"Bullshit. You've got a damn sexy sadism to you. Leaf-nin are too fucking soft to threaten to take someone's Jashin-damned _eye _with fucking _smiling_."

" ..." Akane gave a laugh "Just your average Nara and kunoichi."

He'd caught the damn pause. So there was a fucking reason behind her damn sadism. .Now Hidan was curious, but he'd have to be a sneaky bastard about discovering the truth.

Not like he wasn't already fucking playing spy and tracker anyway.

"Damn average?" Without warning he whirled to lunge, scythe going for her. He couldn't kill her. But he could cause harm.

"The hell?!" Akane glared at him, dodging the blow.

"I fucking refuse to work with average, Red. I am a damn S-class nuke-nin. You want to hunt your bastard? Prove you're worth a shit and spar with me." He whirled his scythe in a lazy menacing way. Hidan had pulled this damn stunt on Kakuzu too. He smirked at her. "Otherwise, I'm just going to demote you to being short bitch instead of Red."

Akane's temper flared, forgetting even the trail in her anger. The zealot already knew the best way to get a fight out of her was to use the height word. She gave him a smile.

Hidan found himself frozen.

"Kagemane." She drawled lazily "You didn't even dodge that."

The fuck?! Red hadn't even twitched!

"That all you can do? Damn shorty." He mocked. "Bet you're nothing without the fucking shadow shit."

Akane released Hidan, ready to murder him herself. She'd indulge him. And teach him the error of his ways.

"Let's see what you've fucking got, midget." Hidan found himself barely dodging a kunai aimed for his eye. Did she have a fucking obsessive need to stab eyes?! And she was fucking fast! His scythe blocked her damn Tanto, which he hadn't even Red draw. Hidan's manic grin took over his face. Red wanted this shit to be serious? That was fucking fine with him.

The fucking foliage restricted the usability of his scythe, but Hidan was an adaptive bastard. He launched it, using the chord to pull him to flying behind the bitch; another twist had the scythe aimed for her.

"Doton Shōheki." A wall of earth formed to intercept his scythe. It dissipated, making Hidan's weapon clatter to the ground as he landed.

Fucking Earth nature. Much like his old damn partner. The shitty irony of it all.

"Kage Bunshin." There was suddenly three of her. Which all went in different directions.

Hidan whirled his scythe easily destroying one damn clone, turning to lash out again to destroy the shitty second one.

Where the fuck was Red?

"Doton: Dosekiryū."

A motherfucking dragon of stone launched at him from above.

Hidan smirked, jumping up to fucking meet it before using his scythe as the last moment to pull him just out of damn the thing's mouth.

Hidan blocked a strike as Red nearly took his fucking head off again.

She was a fast bitch!

They engaged in a pure bout of taijutsu and weapons combat, scythe versus Tanto.

Hidan decided he was fucking impressed. There weren't many bastards who could keep up with him in his damn area of expertise.

Guess Red wasn't a shitty partner after all.

Now to just fucking mess with her. She was a pretty bitch, and he hadn't been around a female in Jashin-damned years. Hidan decided he deserved a little fun. Plus, Red was fucking sexy with that killing gleam in her eyes. "So this is how a damn average Nara fights?" Hidan twisted his scythe bringing them to be almost touching each other due to the clashing weapons. He could feel her body heat from this distance. "Up close and..." One hand released the scythe to snag her waist, trapping her and the weapons against him. "_Personal_? I think I may fucking grow to like your shitty family. Except for pineapple bastard."

Akane recognized the game he was playing instantly. Well, two could do that. Plus... it would take her mind off the... scene earlier. Shamelessly wanting to forget that horror, she smirked, leaning up towards him, almost kissing him with this maneuver. "It's only _personal _if you make it."

Hidan blinked, having not fucking expected that. He'd expected a damn hit. Not for her to suddenly come on to him!

The immortal's surprise and very brief indecision caused his grip to go lax. Akane instantly whirled out of his hold.

Hidan found himself frozen before his brain could even really fucking catch up to the shit that was happening. Then there was the damn sensation of being choked.

"Kage–Kubishibari." Akane informed, holding him there. "I could choke you out if I wished, but carrying you would be a drag."

Hidan found himself released. Okay. Now his fucking interest was really peeked. He'd always bothered Kakuzu because the old bastard had been amusing.

Akane had just received the dubious honor of really making him fucking curious.

Plus, the zealot really thought more shit like little spar that would be damn fun.

"Well, you're damn impressive, so I fucking guess it's back to the trail." Hidan strolled on calmly, sheathing his scythe on his back once more, looking like they just hadn't fought each other. Unable to resist the damn impulse he winked at her "Your rack is nice and fucking soft by the way."

Akane went a furious shade of red, almost matching her name.

The immortal thought the damn nasty punch he received was fucking worth that look on her face.

Akane barely restrained herself from giving him more of a beating for that comment.

This asshole was such a drag.

Why couldn't there be some other immortal she could go dig up?

One that wasn't a perverted bastard with a stupid scythe, or was a stupid albino!

How did he even have his muscles after being buried?!

She mentally cursed the very female part of her brain that had noticed them in the first place.

Thinking about her partner's physique would be troublesome! So she wasn't going to do it! Focus on the mission! There are lives at stake!

Insufferable man!

Akane was a kunoichi and was not blind. She knew acknowledging such things was perfectly normal, even if the situation certainly wasn't. But that didn't mean she was willing to tolerate such things from herself. Akane even felt slight disgust at her lack of control. Doing stuff like that on a mission like this was inexcusable.

So, she sulked as the Jashinist took the lead once more.

He even had that damn grin on his face still.

Cocky bastard. He was such a drag.

Hidan had started a battle of wits and wills with that troublesome spar.

And Akane was not going to let him win while still managing to focus on the mission.

That would show the zealot.

* * *

**Omake: Troublesome Developments  
**

_Seven years before the murders began_

The Nara male sighed as he watched his daughter with her now chuunin team. "Troublesome. Our child is a paradox".

His wife gave a fond smile. "Oh?" she knew exactly what he was talking about. She just liked to tease him.

"Sadism is not typically a Nara trait" he muttered.

"We may be a clan but we're still individuals" she reminded him "Our personalities, while we have common factors, will differ".

"Nara are known to be lazy. And Akane has somehow managed to be lazy _and_ be a sadist at the same time" he sulked. Where had his daughter learned such behavior? Not from them certainly! And not from her team or sensei.

In fact, she'd always been a little... odd. Even as a child.

At first they though it Nara eccentricity. Some of them liked to watch clouds. Others obsessed of shogi. Things like that. Normal eccentric quirks.

Not... _this_.

"Don't forget she hates her height mentioned too" his wife reminded him, seeming unperturbed. "Having to talk to those parents of the ones she hits is always such a drag".

"I hope she levels out once past her teen years" he sighed in defeat "It'd be troublesome to have a sadistic Nara in the family".

* * *

_Yay development! And learning next to nothing about the person/people they're hunting xD  
_

_Poor Akane, emotions get all sorts of twisted in horrible situations like this one. Hidan's Hidan-ness isn't helping._

**_Next time_**_ - "Hidan~" That fucking scary smile was back "Care to explain this?"_

_"Guess the damn seal works both fucking ways"._


	7. Wonder What This Does?

_Late today, I apologize  
_

**Disclaimer: **Don't Own Naruto**  
**

**Beta: **Shatteredstar21

_Yay discoveries!  
_

* * *

"Well, they're fucking smart bastards that's for sure. It's pissing me off." Hidan was kneeling examining the ground for any damn sign of their prey. "I highly fucking doubt that leading us here of all places was anything less than damn deliberate."

They'd passed the border of Fire some time ago. Akane was uneasy, knowing that since tensions were high amongst the nations her Konoha Hitai-ate offered them little safety, and Hidan's own took what little friendliness she gained away.

But, she had to agree with the immortal. Leading them here of all places before making the trail vanish was nothing less than deliberate.

The trail had gone nowhere in particular at first but then had decidedly gone East... until they'd ended up here.

Akane glanced towards the horizon thinking she could just make out Amegakure in the distance.

"So either they know we've got an Akatsuki, or this was a jibe at the former enemy." Akane mused, her mind already at work for the reasoning behind this. "Saying something like 'you found them, but you'll never catch me'. I really hope that it's not that they know about you."

If the killer already knew of Hidan taking part, that could possibly ruin the entire plan.

"If they fucking knew about me, they would've led us West." Hidan shook his head. "Most Akatsuki didn't really give a damn about the organization. Even Sushi. He was a loyal fucker, but leading him back to Rain wouldn't have done shit to him, just like it's doesn't fucking affect me. If the bastards wanted to say they knew about my damn help, they'd have led us to Yugakure. That place would've fucking pissed me off."

Akane was rather glad that while Hidan was dense, he wasn't really stupid. Made working with him a lot easier. Probably got him underestimated in the past too, which would've only worked in his favor. "Then that leaves the simple taunt. Saying that while the Akatsuki may have been defeated, we won't be catching them." Akane nodded.

"Cocky faggots." Hidan scoffed, moving back the few shitty feet to where the fucking trail had ended and walking in damn slow circle, going outward. It was a trick the old miser bastard had done on the rare occasions Kakuzu actually _lost _an asshole's trail. Not that he was allowed to bring that sort of shit up. He old partner had no fucking issue tearing him to pieces if he even said one Jashin-damned word about it.

Akane watched the Jashinist do his slow circling, his eyes watching for some nearly imperceptible sign. There was no mistaking that Hidan was a predator in his own right. He was not someone most shinobi would be happy to face down. There was a certain sense about people like him, that feeling that he was the wolf that wasn't even going to bother with the sheep's clothing because by the time someone knew he was there they were dead anyways.

She made herself not tense every time he passed behind her. Trust. It was like respect. Had to give it to get it.

"Ha! Motherfuckers! Not so damn smart are you?!" Hidan had apparently found what he was looking for. He'd ended up a large distance away from her, apparently picking up a trail even a hunter-nin might have lost. "I never thought I'd say this shit, but thank Jashin for Kakuzu's fucking lessons."

The shitty old bastard's voice was sounding in his head even now, telling him how to identify even the most fucking faint trails. Then being literally forced into damn compliance because Kakuzu was a stupid asshole who wouldn't move until he'd found the shitty trail properly. "Looks like they went this way."

"Away from Rain." Akane went to his side. Pulling up her mental map she thought for a moment "That direction takes us towards Suna or Ishigakure."

"So fucking sand or fucking rocks. Joy." Hidan grumbled. "They know how to throw a damn trail, I'll give them that shit."

Together, the duo set off, getting further and further away from the Country of Fire and deeper into foreign shinobi territory.

* * *

They had traveled several miles, and though past Ame itself, they were still in the Land of Rain.

There had been several close calls with Rain shinobi, but so far they'd managed to avoid causing any incidents. Akane found herself glad that there were few shinobi that could rival a nuke-nins practiced stealth. As for herself, Nara went unnoticed easily. They were typically the shinobi that hung back and dealt lethal blows without attracting a fight.

If a Nara drew a fight to themselves, it usually ended quickly.

Akane blamed and thanked the inherent lazy nature of her clan for both of these things.

"Definitely headed to Ishigakure." she announced after a few more miles. "If they wanted Suna, they should've turned by now, or they'll just be doubling back on themselves."

"Doubling back is always a fucking option, Red." Hidan snorted. "Done it a few damn times myself while with the old bastard to through assholes off our trail." Had it fucking been up to him alone, he would've just waited to let the assholes catch up and sacrificed the heathens to Jashin-sama. But Kakuzu, old miser bastard, didn't like damn delays, so making their shitty trail confusing was a must.

Hidan's thoughts turned to his current partner as he followed the asshole's trail.

Well, that damn seal was not as fucking bad as he'd thought it would be. Sure, it kept his from sacrificing her ass, but all in all that wasn't a shitty consequence. Red was fucking entertaining.

Then there was the damn obedience. That pissed him off slightly, but Red had kept the orders to a minimum.

He suspected the shitty thing did more than that. But, so far, its complete effects hadn't been fucking revealed.

Wonder if the damn thing did anything to her?

Wouldn't fucking know if he didn't try shit.

Now, he had a damn problem. He wanted to see if she was forced into following fucking orders, but how to tell if she was complying or being forced?

"Stop." he stated, but kept moving forward.

Akane shot him a confused look, faltering slightly but keeping pace with him when she saw her partner wasn't stopping himself. "The hell?" she demanded.

"Thought I'd lost the fucking trail, but found it again." Hidan shrugged. So, no damn orders.

Think.

The Kyuubi bastard had compared this to a summoning contract. How did those shits normally work?

Contractors gave damn orders, summons followed. But summons had effects on the fucking Summoners.

Sharks gave fucking smell to Sushi; crows had given the ability to summon them without hand sign or tattoos to the damn Weasel.

As Hidan was the 'summon' in this bastardized situation he gave effects. But what?

Red was already temperamental and sadistic before the fucking sealing so that wasn't it.

Hmm. Moving to conceal the movement he drew a kunai, deftly tuning it on himself. Doing this while moving was a bitch, but it could be done.

And since Hidan was doing it on himself, the markings would man a fucking appearance. He drew blood, working a small symbol of Jashin on the opposite hand as stealthily as he could.

Working a small sacrifice on himself like this would be a repentance prayer to Jashin-sama.

He nicked himself with the kunai again, feeling the familiar pleasure/burn that came with his curse jutsu even though it wasn't fully active.

A glance as Red. Nothing.

Did he have no damn effect at all? His sadism and the fucking effects of his religion were the two damn things he would fucking think to pass over.

So. Personality and his curse jutsu were out. What other shit did he have?

Not fucking much.

Thoroughly seething, he stuck himself with the kunai harder then he'd meant to.

Akane jolted, a strange icy feeling from her leg. It wasn't pain really, more like an old wound that bothered her. She'd ignored the light itch on her palm earlier; it had gone away soon enough.

That's when she caught the scent of blood. Akane sped up to her companion and saw he'd stuck himself in the leg. Right where the strange faint icy feeling was.

"You know, I have the strangest feeling in my leg right now. Like some poured ice water on it." Akane glared at where he'd stuck himself. "Coincidently it's right where you've seen fit to stab yourself."

Hidan blinked pulling the kunai from his leg as they traveled, ignored it as it healed rapidly.

"And now it's gone." She was staring at him. "Hidan~" that fucking scary smile was back "Care to explain this?"

"Guess the damn seal works both ways." He mused. So she _did _feel something when he activated his curse jutsu. It must be fucking severely reduced, but it was still there.

Ha! So Hidan wasn't the only one having to suffer the Jashin-damned effects of this shit!

"Guess you get to fucking tell whenever I'm using my jutsu." He smirked at her erasing the bloody symbol off himself with an easy brush against his clothing.

"And what good does that do me?" Akane grumbled.

"Hey, bitch, some summons don't give their contractors shit. Like fucking slugs. You get nothing from those assholes. At least you're fucking getting something in this shitty 'contract' thing we've got going." The Zealot rolled his eyes.

Akane had to admit he was right about the slugs seeming to not give anything extra to their contractors. Katsuyu could heal, but the slug did not increase the strength of Tsunade-Sama's hits or the Godaime's own personal healing abilities.

Still.

"Nothing seems preferable to something that's useless." She countered.

"Bitch! Not like you fucking know it's useless!" Hidan glared at her. "It could be the most useful shit in the world, Red."

"I severely doubt it." Akane drawled.

"I'll show you, Jashin-damned heathen." The immortal sulked, quickening his pace. The sooner they got to where ever this shitty trail led, the fucking better.

* * *

"Jashin motherfucking damn." Hidan muttered.

The hours had passed.

They'd passed Ishigakure.

And kept going... and going... and going...

Then the trail had taken a sharp turn and was leading back, but towards Earth Country now.

"These bastards are just fucking screwing with anyone hunting them." the immortal snarled to himself.

"I'm just amazed they haven't attacked yet. They kill those who hunt them." Akane sighed. She had to agree. This seeming random trail was getting troublesome.

"No one ever fucking said they did that quickly." Hidan pointed out.

Akane blinked. Stopping, forcing the Jashinist to stop too. "That's it."

"What's fucking it?"

"The trail. It's a trap."

" ... The Jashin-damned hell?"

"How obvious would you say this trail's been for an experienced bounty-hunter or a hunter-nin?"

"Pretty damn clear, except for that shit in Rain. And I wasn't the fucking bounty-hunter."

"Then it's a trap. The twists, turns, and length are deliberate. Wearing would be pursuers out." Akane's eye narrowed "They'll most likely have an ambush point of some sort set up. I'm betting that point is in Earth County. The natural valleys and maze of rock would make for an excellent ambushing site." The Nara in her was working on overdrive as the smallest details gave her more information.

Hidan was suddenly fucking glad Red was his partner. Even if a trap couldn't do shit to kill him, walking into one was never much damn fun. "So, Red. We know we're walking into the asshole's hands if we continue like this." He gestured to indicate the trail they'd been following "Now fucking what?"

"Springing the trap may be our only option." Akane sighed "It gets us close to whoever is behind this."

"Or at least to the pussy lackies." The immortal added. He fucking doubted they would have a base in a Country with one of the main damn shinobi Villages present. But setting up a shitty ambush site was a clever idea. Almost reminded him of what Leader-teme had done with Ame's rain.

A trap, set to fucking catch the shits stupid enough to attempt finding an organization's territory.

"Well, they can't do shit to me. Which is why you dug my ass up in the first place. More sacrifices to Jashin-sama." Hidan smirked, already itching for the bloodshed.

"Even if they are mere pawns, to capture the king, going through them is the only choice. Plus, even pawns can prove useful." Akane was grinning herself now.

Since they'd figured out the fact there would be a trap waiting on them somewhere in Earth, that reduced its effectiveness by a whole thirty percent.

If she could figure out the _where_ in Earth the ambush would be, it would be reduced to being completely ineffective.

"Let's go say hi to the fuckers, Red. I'm sure the two of us can handle their sorry asses. There was a damn reason most bastards preferred not to challenge the Akatsuki. It's about fucking time these little pussies knew that same fear." With this, Hidan launched back into racing after the trail.

"I was never Akatsuki. But Konoha is not to underestimated either." Akane corrected him.

To her surprise, the troublesome baka laughed. "You could've fucking been an Akatsuki, Red. A damn scary one at that."

Akane was not sure if that was an insult or a compliment.

* * *

Earth Country brought the predicted maze of rocks. Their progress was slowed significantly.

Hidan didn't fucking like the shitty restrictiveness of the rocks here. Too damn close for his comfort. No fucking wonder the blond transy had abandoned his shitty Village. These rocks were annoying motherfuckers.

Akane was on edge as they wandered deeper into Earth Country. Stone-nin had never been the friendliest of shinobi. And now she and Hidan were well into their territory.

She doubted they'd be encountering ANBU just yet though. This ambush site was most likely at an out of the way place that the Iwa shinobi didn't typically bother checking in.

Akane could see why they wouldn't bother as Hidan continued to lead them through the rocks. An enemy shinobi would get so pathetically lost in this maze of rock, they'd have no chance at getting close to pull any sort of attack against Iwa.

Plus, this place was uncomfortable. Very close quarters; they'd had to squeeze through small gaps in the rock at least three times now.

There was a glint of something that Hidan was about to step on. Akane reacted instantly.

"The fucking hell?" He demanded, finding himself frozen. Then he was forced back several steps. "Why are you using your shadow shit, R-" before he completed the sentence the glint of a wisp thin ninja wire caught his attention.

Oh.

She'd stopped him from stepping on that.

"Thanks for the damn save." He nodded before moving to get a closer inspection on the wire without tripping it.

"Most likely either a trap or an alert system." Akane moved to his side.

"It's a shitty alarm. No point in putting a damn trap here. Otherwise they wouldn't get to have their fucking fun ambushing people." The Jashinist pointed out.

"True." Akane was really starting to think this Akatsuki was smarter than Shikamaru-san had given him credit for. Hearing the story had made it sound like it'd been so easy to bring Hidan down. Now, Akane saw that no, it wasn't. The elaborate trick had taken careful planning. Otherwise the zealot would've seen through it.

For that, Akane gave both Hidan and Shikamaru-san some more mental credit.

Despite his tendency to be cocky and rush into things, the troublesome baka was not nearly as much of a drag as she first thought he was going to be.

Even if she did think that feeling when he was using that so-called curse jutsu of his was a really, really useless side effect of the seal.

"The ambush won't be too far. A wire alert system like this only goes out a mile or two." Akane sighed "So we have to face whoever's waiting for us soon. What a drag."

"Oh cheer the fuck up Red! You get to take your damn sadism out on someone other than me! And I get more pussy heathens to sacrifice to Jashin-sama! This is going to be fucking fun!" Hidan drew his scythe, before carefully stepping over the wire and watching for more similar traps.

"Doesn't mean fighting in here isn't going to be troublesome." Akane glanced at the rocky maze before stepping over the wire as well.

The zealot snorted. "Have to give you that shit. This place can rot in Jashin-damned hell."

He watched as Red drew her damn blade and they continued more cautiously through the shitty rocks. Hidan couldn't help the smirk that was forming on his face. These bastards would fucking know what hit them. And if it was this fucking easy, he'd be out of the damn seal in no time.

All the more reason to get this shit over with.

That's when things went to fucking hell.

There wasn't any sound.

No rocks moving.

All of a sudden these masked fuckers were just suddenly fucking there.

They looked like damn ANBU, dressed like that. But no Village symbol was fucking anywhere to be seen on them.

At first he thought they were Iwa bastards. But ANBU pussies tended to demand information before beating the shit out of intruders.

These assholes just went straight for the attack.

His scythe whirled, moving to either kill or draw blood. He didn't give a damn which one.

Akane cursed under her breath before weaving hand signs. "Doton Shōheki" the stone wall formed before moving to literally squish some opponents and force others away before she switched into using Kage Nui.

Both of them realized something was horribly wrong simultaneously after landing what would be lethal blows only to see them heal.

These... things... were regenerating clones.

"Bitch! Zetsu's fucking dead right?!"

"Yes! I know we killed him!"

"Then why the fuck are we facing self-healing clones?! I thought only the plant bastard could make those!"

"Hell if I know!"

Hidan cut off one's head. Satisfied to see it fall and stay down. "Go for the fucker's heads!"

Akane obeyed, blade gleaming and shadows catching any she could before beheading them as well.

Only once the last one was dispatched did both shinobi stop to pant.

"So... if the plant bastard's dead... the fuck were those?" Hidan now understood why the assholes sent after this prey had gotten themselves fucking killed.

"I have no idea." Akane admitted. "But this is not a good thing."

"Oh? What makes you think that shit?" He snapped.

Of Jashin-damned course this wasn't good!

Akane went to unmask a fallen head.

Only to have the destroyed clones finally dissipate.

"Troublesome." She growled. Clones solid enough to take lethal hits and heal, surviving all but an outright beheading. Then they dissolved before she could discover any identity.

"I didn't even get a fucking sacrifice. And if these shits work like normal clones, the real bastard knows what we look like now." Hidan informed, sulking that the space restrictions had prevented the proper use of his curse jutsu.

Jashin-sama probably wouldn't have liked a damn clone as a sacrifice though.

"Which makes this even more of a drag." Akane sighed.

Great. Just great. They might as well have signed their own death warrants with the people or person behind this.

How troublesome.

* * *

_Again, sorry for lateness. School is evil. _

**_Next time_**_- "What? I fucking walk around shirtless all the Jashin-damned time"._

_"Doesn't mean you need to start stripping in front of me!"_

_"Aww~ You embarrassed or some shit, Red? All I fucking did was take off the jacket. What? Would you like more?"_

_No replies here as I am running late and my head is doing its best to murder me.  
_


	8. Throwing the Gauntlet

_Woo! A chapter that's on time! :D_

**Disclaimer: **Don't Own Naruto

**Beta: **Shatteredstar21

_Gotta love two stubborn shinobi working together.  
_

* * *

Night was falling, the dark quickly restricting the duo's ability to see and properly follow the trail and navigate the rocks simultaneously. Akane gave a sigh before speaking "We should find a place to stop soon. ANBU patrols are more numerous during the night, and we may get surprised."

Getting caught as a foreign-nin in another Country never ended very well.

Seeing as how they were still well within Earth Country, they'd be at the mercy of Iwa shinobi should they get themselves caught.

Plus, getting lost would only make matters that much worse.

As much as Akane hated to say it, finding cover in this rocky maze they'd been going through for the last several hours was their best bet.

"Well you're the damn Earth user, Red. Not me." Hidan flashed her a smirk.

Akane rolled her eyes as they came to a stop. This part of the maze was just as good as any. The rocks would prevent someone seeing a shelter if she made it into the wall. "Troublesome bastard." She muttered, weaving hand signs, to make a decent size cave in the wall of the rock.

"Oi, I'll have you fucking know I knew my damn father. Therefore, I am not a bastard" Hidan countered her with that insufferable smirk before looking at their temporary shelter.

The immortal still didn't care for shitty confined spaces. There was little fucking helping it in this situation though. Besides. He was _not _Jashin-damned scared. Hidan was not some pussy heathen capable of something as fucking stupid as claustrophobia. So, after a moment of hesitation, he went in the shitty cave.

Akane picked through her bag tossing him a flavorless bar to eat. "We need to make it to a water source tomorrow. We don't have much left in the canteens." The Nara sighed after carefully gauging their supply levels. "We've enough food for a couple more days, but if we want variety, we've got to hunt it down ourselves." She nibbled on her own bar, trying to ignore the overwhelming blandness.

"Always the same shit when it comes to damn long missions." Hidan caught the bar without even needing to see she'd tossed it.

He ate the damn bar, making a face at it's sheer shitty tastelessness. "Yep. Fucking going to hunt down some real food once we're out of these Jashin-damned rocks." He muttered.

How Hidan hated these motherfucking things.

Akane moved to take a spot in their newfound shelter, leaning against the wall. "I'll take first watch." She informed simply.

"Wake me when it's my damn turn then." The zealot responded easily before leaning against the opposite wall and closing his eyes.

Akane shook her head before turning to keep an eye out for unwelcome company. She liked night time. Provided more cover. Kagemane reached further. Any traps she set would be harder for the enemy to see.

Akane made the appropriate hand signs, activating Kagemane, letting her shadows split and scout the area. This wouldn't give much information without her there to see it What they would do was detect any life that was too close for comfort.

Akane dropped the Shadow Possession, letting her shadow return to normal. No life, outside of rats and other nocturnal creatures one would expect to find in a rocky maze like this.

Still, Akane kept watch, letting Hidan sleep. She'd already calculated how to split this night into two halves, allowing both of them to watch and rest the same amount of time.

"Hidan!" She called to him, not wanting to risk dismemberment by an instinctive attack if she shook him awake.

"Mnh?"After years of working with the old bastard who got pissed if he slept in, Hidan had gotten fucking used to waking up when someone called his name. Otherwise fucking pain was sure to follow, and not the good kind.

"Your turn." Akane answered the grunt.

"Fuck. Fine. Get some damn sleep Red." He moved to take his watch, moving his scythe to a more ready position.

Akane shook her head at Hidan's bossiness, but she relaxed against her own wall before promptly falling asleep.

Hmph. The bitch was a trusting one. No one in the damn Akatsuki fucking had ever relaxed that much around each other.

Hidan wasn't sure about what the proper reaction to shitty things like trust should be. _No one _trusted his asshole self. Not even when he'd been a fucking loyal Yugakure shinobi.

There was no such damn thing as trust.

But here the bitch was sleeping like she didn't give a fuck about who or what he was.

Red was damn strange.

Friends. Now that was a damn word he wasn't sure applied here but it was the only shitty one he could think of. They had been following the fucker's trail and working together for several days now.

The damn trip to Ame had taken fucking forever. Normally from Leaf to Rain it was only about two damn days at full shinobi speed.

Thanks to the fucker's seemingly aimless trail it had taken them three, almost four.

Then there was the trail after Ame. That shit had taken even _longer_. Which had pissed him off. Rain to Earth was not a fucking long distance either!

Now, they were coming from deliberately springing the bastard's ambush. And who fucking knew how many days this trail would take to get where it was fucking going, not even including the damn delays from the Jashin-damned mother-fucking rocks.

They were going to be stuck together for a fucking while.

So, if that sort of shit didn't make them have to get damn used to each other, Hidan didn't know what would.

He and Kakuzu had fucking detested each other's guts, but being stuck together as partners had made them at least work together pretty damn well. And despite their shitty introductions, Red had not earned Hidan's hate. So this fucking situation was a bit more in her favor then the old bastard's had been.

Alright, bitch. You give a little, you get a little.

This shitty adventure was proving to be at least fucking amusing anyway. Hidan wasn't sure his trust was worth a rat's ass, but she got it.

Besides, this just gave him more reasons to fucking mess with her.

* * *

"A Jashin-damned river." Hidan sulked Finding the trail on the other side would take fucking forever!

Akane knelt to examine the water. "Clean enough to restock the canteens at least." She gave a mental debate. "There's fish here, if we're willing to risk the delay." She finally muttered, unsure on this option. It would be nice to have something other than those horrible nutrition bars. She wondered how ANBU stood them on long missions.

"Not like the assholes are going fucking anywhere. If they've got an established base, they're going to guard that shit. If they're just roaming aimlessly, we're already fucking behind. Losing a damn few hours isn't going to do shit." Hidan looked down at her.

"I highly doubt they're wandering aimlessly. Even highly skill shinobi like this one would've gotten caught eventually if that was the case. My bet is that they have a base which they're guarding and have hidden exceptionally well." Akane shook her head. "Either way, you have a point. A few hours to catch a decent meal won't make much of a difference."

"And we could both use a damn bath." Hidan snickered.

"That's also true." Akane couldn't help her own laugh. "We are rather... nasty looking." She'd brought the standard issue natural made herb soap bar that went on all long missions were bathing outside was a distinct possibility. Medics had designed it. Wild herbs that cleaned like soap but wouldn't alter the water in anyway so as to be untraceable.

"I haven't been covered in so much Jashin-damn grime since the fucking Nibi." Hidan set his scythe aside before he stripped off his cloak without a second thought before walking over to snag the damn soap from Red.

"What are you doing?!" She protested.

"What? I fucking walk around shirtless all the Jashin-damned time." He wondered what the hell had gotten into her.

Half-naked guy! Much too close! "Doesn't mean you need to start stripping in front of me!" Akane snapped at him.

"Aww~ You embarrassed or some shit, Red? All I fucking did was take off the jacket. What? Would you like more?" Hidan leaned in to be in her damn personal space, giving Red a challenging glare. He wondered how she'd fucking react to this.

Oh hell no was he going to win this! Akane narrowed her eyes at him."Pfft. As if. There's nothing to see anyways."

Hidan narrowed his eyes in return. Jashin-damn the woman fought dirty. His expression turned into a pleased smirk. Ahh, Red. If only you knew making this shit interesting was the fucking wrong way to go about this. It would only make things worse for you, bitch.

"Nothing to fucking see, hm?" He drew back, soap in hand before heading to the river and proceeding to ditch the rest of his clothing.

He was fucking amused to hear a strangled noise from his partner when she couldn't react properly to the fucking display. Hidan waded into the water as if he didn't give a damn, and hadn't just deliberately tormented Red with his naked ass. He simply went about washing off the grime and retrieving his clothes from the shore to wash them too.

A glance at the bitch showed that her back was to him now, though if Hidan craned his neck he could see that he face was about as damn red as a human being could go.

"Prude." He scoffed to himself.

"And you're a pervert for doing that!" Akane shot back.

"Well, if you want some fucking revenge you should do the same then." He drawled, tossing his shit on the shore to dry.

Akane moved backwards to grab the tossed clothes and spread them out so that the warm sunshine could dry them quickly while the troublesome bastard got clean. "I am not stripping in front of you!" She answered his challenge.

"Aww come on Red! I have you a damn show! You should fucking do the same!" Hidan snickered, eventually finishing his bath to go inspect his clothes. Thanks to Red's efforts his shit was nearly dry by the time he was done. _Thump! _Something hit his face. A fucking towel.

"Why are you so perverted? It's such a drag." Akane was still blushing in embarrassment at having seen much more of Hidan than she'd ever planned on seeing.

"Bitch, you must not spend much damn time with men. All of us are fucking perverts, if we admit it or not." The zealot snorted in amusement as he dried himself off.

"My teammates weren't."

"They were either just fucking hiding it well, or not interested in you." Came to retort as the Jashinist finally made himself decent with his dry clothes. Deciding he wasn't done screwing with her, Hidan used every ounce of speed and stealth he had to appear behind her, offering up the soap. "Your dam turn Red."

"You decent?" She nearly growled at him.

Her answer was a chuckle. "Only one way to find that shit out."

Curse him. Curse this troublesome albino into the darkest depths of hell. Akane was wishing with every fiber of her being that there could have been any other immortal she could've dug up to help with the murders.

She'd promised herself to keep her mind on the mission and not let him win at the same time.

Decision made, Akane turned to face him and snag the soap.

Jashin damn. Her fucking poker face was almost as fucking good as the Weasel's. Hidan, being the asshole he was, smirked at her, eager for this new challenge. Battling wits and wills with this bitch was as entertaining as it got.

"So you're not fucking embarrassed anymore?" He taunted.

"I was merely giving you privacy. As I said, it's not like there was anything to see." Akane answered starting to strip as she walked towards the river herself.

Jashin motherfucking damn, was she seriously...?! Red fucking was. Stripping where he could see shit. Oh, this bitch was really refusing to be beaten. Oh well, he liked a fucking challenge.

Hidan's eyes narrowed. Red had fucking marks here and there on her. The damn signs of an active shinobi. Of a kunoichi. Most shitty heathens had them. But he was most fucking displeased to see she had them too. For some shitty reason his mind had been convinced she was as unmarked as he was.

"I gave you privacy, Hidan." She drawled lazily as she started her bath. "You not going to do the same?"

"Just making fucking sure your rack was as damn nice as I thought they were." Hidan retorted easily, not wanting to think he'd gone fucking soft by being upset over some Jashin-damned scars.

Red continued to surprise the shit out of him. She shot him the most disinterested look he'd fucking seen since the one damn time he tried bothering the Weasel before realizing that shit was pointless, before gesturing to her chest that was mostly hidden by the water. All he got was some damn cleavage. "Well?"

Motherfucking damn. She really wasn't about to let him win this. But he was not a bastard that backed down from a challenge. Hidan just gave her a feral smirk. "The fucking nicest ones I've seen." He met her disinterested stare.

"Thank you, I suppose. Now. Privacy?"

"Fucking sure." He turned to give her his damn back.

Yep.

He may hate the damn seal, but being in this shitty situation with Red had its fucking perks.

* * *

After getting clean, dressed, and having a decent meal of fish, the duo was off again.

"This fucking direction takes us straight for the old bastard's shitty Village." Hidan announced after a moment.

"Takigakure." Akane nodded, having noticed this herself.

The change from the rocks of Earth to the forested Waterfall Country was a gradual one, but there was no doubt about it.

"There's no fucking way those bastards are Waterfall-nin." Hidan scoffed.

"Oh?" Akane arched an eyebrow at him.

"The assholes attacked the old bastard for following damn orders. There's no fucking way they'd tolerate this sort of shit." His sadistic smile crossed his face. "Unless there's been a lot of Jashin-damned change of course. In which case, I'm sure the old bastard wouldn't fucking mind me sacrificing their fickle asses to Jashin-sama."

" ...I doubt that our target is still tied to a Village." Akane answered shaking her head. So his old partner had been a friend of sorts. A twisted sort of friendship since Hidan had very little good to say about the bounty hunter. But there had been a respect of sorts, and enough friendship that the immortal was quite willing to slaughter those that insulted the memory of the miser by changing their minds.

She doubted that he would ever admit as such aloud. Hidan was the type that would consider such things _soft_. A weakness he of course didn't have since such things were only for 'pussy heathens'.

Akane nearly laughed to herself. This was why people not used to working with Nara complained. Saying that it was creepy a Nara could learn their personality very quickly. Having been with the zealot for days now, Akane knew him almost better than he knew himself due to the innate intelligence and observational skills that came with being a Nara.

Since she had the advantage over him on this front, and they needed to work together, she'd let herself be more open than she normally liked being.

But, this had worked like Akane hoped. Hidan might not know her as well as she did him, but he knew enough that he should be able to predict her thoughts and movements. Something which would be useful in the fights to come.

Hidan scoffed as the trail finally started to swerve to avoid Takigakure. "Guess the Taki bastards got lucky this time." He growled, shooting a glare in the direction he was damn sure the shitty place was in. They weren't even fucking close to the Waterfall Village yet, but he could still send violent thoughts in their general asshole direction.

"I'm glad that they're not associated with a Village so far." Akane admitted as the trail took them well out of the range of Taki and associated ANBU though they were still speeding through Waterfall Country. "All of the Villages have lost too many shinobi. It wouldn't make sense for any of them to be associated with this, even if their own killings were just covers."

"You'd be fucking surprised what people do do to cover their damn tracks." Hidan laughed "But these assholes are certainly ruling out lots of options other than them being nuke-nin."

"Nuke-nin that like going in circles." Akane muttered "We're going steadily West now. First they lead us somewhat South, then West, and now East."

"Only one damn direction left" Hidan agreed. "But they don't fucking seem to be wanting to head North any time soon."

"At least we should hit a neutral Country once we're outside of Waterfall." Akane sighed "If we continue West that is."

"Doesn't fucking seem to be changing, Red. Neutral Country. Then where the damn Sound base used to be. Then fucking Hot Water and Yugakure. After that, Frost followed by damn Lightning and Cloud" Hidan shook his head "If we don't fucking alter from West that is."

"And none of them seem like likely places for a base. The neutral country has been gone over with a fine toothed comb by various Villages to ensure the killers aren't there. Someone somewhere is missing something." Akane sighed "And I don't like missing puzzle pieces."

"Hope this damn trail gives you the fucking pieces Red. Cause you know our asses are going to get attacked again eventually, even if we've been managing to evade ANBU pussies. Those murdering bastards know we're after them." Hidan pointed out.

"I know. I don't know if that's a good thing. We'll either get more self-healing clones or the real thing. And I almost don't want to see what else someone who can make that type of clone can do." Akane glared off into the distance, not liking that she could feel that she was missing _something _about this.

A clue that would help solve the problem.

"Strong fuckers or not, won't prevent me from sacrificing their heathen ass to Jashin-sama." Hidan shrugged. Red had that damn plotting expression again. He was starting to fucking recognize when she was thinking. The bitch did that a lot.

No, he did not think that shitty expression was special.

Thinking like things were fucking cute and such were for heathen pussies, not for S-class devout Jashinist nuke-nin like himself.

* * *

_Oh Zealot. One does not simply win against a Nara.  
_

**_Next time_**_- "Heh. Look Red, we've got some damn company"._

_"Hunter-nin. Troublesome"._

_"Well, since we know they won't back off and shit, can I have some fucking fun? I feel damn rusty"._

_"No"._

_That's when a hunter shunshined behind her, going for her throat with a kunai._


	9. Hunters

_Woo! Back from vacation ^^ Did ya miss me?_

**Disclaimer: **Don't Own Naruto

**Beta: **Shatteredstar21

_Onwards to the delayed story!  
_

* * *

"Finally. Neutral territory." Akane gave a relieved sigh, though she didn't relax just yet. Just because they were in one of the rare Countries without a shinobi Village didn't mean that they were safe. At least there would be less risk of ANBU here.

"I don't fucking understand how bastards stand not having a damn Village." Hidan scoffed. No Village meant less chance of beating shitty heathens up. Yes, they'd been avoiding ANBU pussies so far, but that shit was getting fucking boring. "Leaves them wide open for a damn attack." He mused, scoffing at the idiocy of it all.

"The nearby Nations would not tolerate someone attacking this place." Akane shrugged in answer "It would upset the balance, more so than things already are."

"Well, someone's got to make the first fucking move for that war you're so damn worried about right?" The immortal rolled his eyes. "So Red, which bastards do you think are going to do it?"

"I'm rather hoping that we manage to find and bring down our culprit before that." She shook her head. A Fifth Shinobi War... after all that peace... it would almost undo all the work and the lives that had been put into creating the peace in the first place.

"Let's fucking pretend we don't. Answer the damn question, Red. I know you're a smart bitch. Share your shitty thoughts on who'd attack first." Hidan didn't know why this mattered. But perhaps it would in the damn end.

"In all honesty... I would say either Kiri or Iwa. They have fewer ties to the other nations than Konoha, Suna, or Kumo" Akane admitted at last. "Of those two... Stone is more likely than Mist. The Godaime Mizukage has been working so hard to change Mist's reputation. I highly doubt she'd want to undo all of that effort by attacking first."

"Heh. So the fucking Bloody Mist is going soft. Wonder what Sushi would think of that shit?" Hidan scoffed.

Being a damn immortal, Hidan had known he'd outlive most of the Akatsuki bastards, the old bastard the only possible exception to that. Still...

He was still not fucking sure about being the last Akatsuki alive.

Hidan hadn't cared much for the bastards... but the fact he was the last living asshole of an entire damn organization...

That was almost fucking surreal.

He glanced over at Red. Sooner or later she'd meet the same shitty fate. Death came for all shinobi be it in fucking combat or by age.

Except for him. He was the one bastard that was the exception to the rule.

Thank Jashin-sama.

Besides missing people was for pussy heathens. Not himself.

Hidan was the damn immortal S-class nuke-nin that would outlive them all!

So...

Why wasn't he very fucking happy about that?

Must have been the shitty fish or something disagreeing with him or some damn thing like that. Hidan was not some soft pussy heathen.

Therefore the fact of outliving the bastards of the Akatsuki and eventually this bitch keeping pace at his side did _not _upset him.

Not one Jashin-damned bit.

He would not and did not fucking miss anyone.

Being lonely was not shit that he was capable of.

Therefore, this weird damn feeling in his stomach had to be from the fucking fish earlier.

* * *

They had just crossed the borders into the Country where the Sound base used to be when Akane got chills down her back. At first, she thought it was just because of where they were. Who wouldn't be creeped out slightly by going into territory that had effectively once belonged to one of the most psychotic shinobi to have ever existed?

Plus, the fact Orochimaru looked like a snake made her detest him more. Akane would never admit it out loud but she _hated_ snakes. They were basically the one thing that could make her shriek and run away screaming.

After a brief moment though, the Nara realized it wasn't discomfort as to their current location. It was her instincts telling her that she and Hidan were no longer alone in this forest.

"Heh. Look Red, looks like we've got some damn company." Hidan scoffed. These fuckers weren't subtle. Had the shitty standards fallen for hunter pussies too?

"Hunter-nin. Troublesome." Akane agreed as their unexpected and most unwelcome company revealed themselves. Five of them. Standard squad. She glanced at the symbol they wore. Frost-nin. Ugh. She did not want to be dealing with hunters from Shimo. It would be such a drag.

Plus, tensions were already high enough as is without these hunters seeing a non-rogue kunoichi like herself working willingly alongside a nuke-nin like the zealot.

"Well, since we know they won't back off and shit, can I have some fucking fun? I feel damn rusty." The little violence he'd gotten before this was Jashin-damn pathetic by Hidan's standards. He needed some more fucking entertaining fights or he'd turned into a psychotic bastard. Not that he wasn't already crazy as shit in the first place, but that was beside the point.

"No." Akane snapped. They did not need to be making things between the Villages any worse than they already were. She attempted to think about some way of explaining this that would manage to get them out of their current situation without violence.

That's when a hunter shunshined behind her, going for her throat with a kunai.

There was the ringing clash of metal meeting metal as it was blocked. But from the lack of pressure on her own kunai Akane found she hadn't blocked the attack.

No, that honor belonged to Hidan, scythe easily positioned to intercept the blow.

"... Thank you." Akane decided not to mention the fact she could've blocked it on her own, or that she had this unfortunate hunter now trapped in kagemane. Just going to let the immortal have his fun.

"Welcome, bitch. Now, Red, I now you've got him in that shadow-shit of yours. Make him back the fuck off and then release the bastard. Looks like I get to have my damn fun after all. You can just sit back and relax, Red. I fucking got this." Hidan offered his manic smile.

"You sure?" She questioned, lowering her kunai and forcing the trapped hunter to do the same. The others started to move to attack once seeing that their companion was trapped. The zealot moved, blade whirling in a blur to force them back.

"I already told you, Jashin-damn it. I feel fucking rusty. These bastards will help fix that shit." He grinned at her as Red forced the hunter to take several steps back.

The bastard was really really un-fucking-lucky. Hidan was pissed off now. Hidan's blood-lust had already been damned high before this. But, the asshole going after Red had managed to make him absolutely _pissed_.

Red was Hidan's bitch-contractor-whatever.

Plus she was damned entertaining.

Therefore going after her, even if the bitch could handle her own damn self, was not the fucking smartest idea the bastard had had.

Akane glanced at him, seeing a psychotic gleam in the immortal's eyes she was sure was stronger than normal.

"Very well." she shrugged, the kagemane forcing the hunter to mimic the action. "All yours then."

"Fucking thanks, Red." Hidan snickered, lunging the moment she dropped the kagemane while shouting "Come on, bastards! Time for you fucking shits to meet Jashin-sama!"

True to her word, Akane kept out of the ensuing chaos, only defending herself when needed.

The Nara took this chance to observe the S-class nuke-nin fight. Hidan was... impressive. Not a single wasted movement. His speed wasn't overly impressive considering that he was S-rank, but he made up for it with sheer power behind his attacks and tactics.

He really was clever, using his scythe to the fullest, sometimes as a weapon, sometimes as an extension of his arm to send him flying through the air to land particularly impressive bit of taijutsu on one hunter or another.

It got particularly interesting when Hidan was down to the last one. The very same one that had previously attacked her, if Akane was correct.

The immortal smirked, using the blood from the others to make a symbol on the ground while cleaning his scythe of any other blood. This was the very same symbol that Hidan wore on his pendent.

Akane, being a Nara, had already figured out that this symbol must represent his god, Jashin. The one he swore to on a nearly constant basis.

A whirl of the scythe landed a cut and Hidan licked the scythe clean. His stepping into the symbol made a startling transformation take place.

"Let's share in the pain together, motherfucker!" Hidan laughed.

Akane tilted her head in curiosity. Shikamaru-san was not keen on retelling about the death of Asuma-sensei. But the story of Hidan and Kakuzu's defeat was well known. It was also a known fact Shikamaru-san had somehow tricked the zealot into using the same jutsu that had killed Asuma-sensei against Kakuzu.

Akane would almost bet money that this was that jutsu. She certainly hadn't seen Hidan using anything else that really involved chakra outside of making his hits inhumanly strong.

She narrowed her eyes through when Hidan started what could only be called torture. The other hunter-nin had been taken care of quickly. And while Akane was not happy that he'd killed foreign-nin in this time of stress, she'd known it was necessary since the hunters wouldn't be leaving without capturing or killing them both.

But this was certainly _not necessary._

Especially when she felt the icy coolness on herself… Exactly in the same spots that Hidan was using that pike of his on.

Akane still did not think this effect of the seal was a very useful one to have. She failed to see how this dull link to Hidan's physical state during the jutsu could serve any purpose.

"Enough." The Nara snapped at the zealot.

"You and the damn old bastard. Always wanting to fucking interrupt my rituals." Hidan complained, but the obedience part of the seal forced him to comply, driving the pike into his heart.

Akane couldn't help her gasp, hand going to her own chest.

The feeling with this was not like the others. It was like her entire body turned into ice. She couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't think. Complete paralysis.

It lasted for only a fraction of a second before it was gone again.

"You fucking alright, Red?" The immortal was suddenly there in front of her. Had it been longer than she'd thought? Or was he simply faster than he'd let on in that fight?

"There is no way in Kami or in your Jashin's earth that something like _that_ is useful!" Akane glared at him.

Hidan smirked. That was the bitchy Red he knew. When she'd gasped like that he felt something akin to what heathen pussies called panic. Had he somehow missed a damn hunter?! But then, on fucking seeing Red clutch at her chest, the zealot realized it was the shitty link to the curse jutsu.

"I still say that shit has to got to have some damn plus side to it, Red." He countered, deciding not to fucking comment on her use of Jashin's name.

He actually kind of liked hearing her use the name of his damn god. Wonder if he could fucking convert her from that Will of Fire shit that Leaf-nin heathens typically believed in.

Hell, Hidan would even take a shitty mix of both. It would just be damn nice to have another Jashinist around. It wasn't like his fucking religion was exactly very common.

* * *

"Troublesome man. This seal thing is such a drag." Akane went to inspect the fallen hunter-nin. Looting wasn't exactly very respectful, but they had little choice since Kami alone knew how much longer they were going to be following this winding trail.

After collecting spare not ruined supplies, Akane made a mental note that these poor saps weren't in nearly as bad shape as the kills from the murderers were. Not like she'd ever though Hidan was involved in the killings, seeing as how he'd only been recently dug up from his rocky prison, but it was an interesting thing to note.

The Nara activated an Earth jutsu, burying the bodies deep where they wouldn't be found. Better to not leave them out and exposed. Akane did not want to be the last straw that finally set off the impending war.

"Look at this shit, Red." Hidan's voice interrupted her thoughts. "Our damn prey is getting careless."

She left the newly buried hunters to go to where he stood some feet away to see was he was indicating. Had to return her focus to the admittedly more important matter, though that thought that anything was more important than the lives of others was depressing.

A broken branch.

"Sure that's not from the hunters or something natural?" She questioned.

In answer, Hidan picked the branch up; setting it against the base it had separated from. Revealing a footprint in the wood, left from a shinobi using chakra to increase speed and getting careless about the strength behind it. It was also facing away from the direction the hunters had just come from. Plus, no true hunter-nin would make this sort of Genin mistake.

"It has to be deliberate." Akane muttered "They're taunting us." There was no way this killer had gone unfound so long with making mistakes like that.

"Most fucking likely." Hidan agreed. "Which really pisses me off even more than I already was. I show these Jashin-damned heathens not to mess with a fucking S-class nuke-nin."

"We can't keep following an endless trail forever, Hidan. For all we know, that's what we're doing." Akane pointed out. She sighed "I wish we had something more to go off of. This trail, possibly endless circle or not, is the only thing we've got."

"It's got to fucking end at some point, Red. They've got to have some shitty hideout or something. Being out in the damn open is just asking to get fucking caught. And no matter how strong you think you are, there's always sheer numbers, or damn smarts. While no, fucking Chuunin are the best bet to be up against me, I was still defeated by the fucker, wasn't I?" Hidan glanced down at her.

Still thought Red was damn short.

Still not going to say that shit to her. He liked his eyes the way they were, aka not fucking stabbed by a kunai.

Akane was mildly surprised Hidan was so open about his defeat by Shikamaru-san. But he had a point. He was an S-class Chuunin that had been beaten by a _Chuunin_ of all things. Rank wasn't the only indication of true strength.

Therefore, it was not in their killer's best interest to remain in the open, waiting on that one someone capable of beating them to find them. They needed a place to hide.

Persistent predation.

Wearing the prey down until they were simply too exhausted to continue.

It was how the human race and many shinobi, especially hunter-nin, operated.

"We'll need to pick up the pace for that to work though." Akane was thinking out loud without really noticing. "Persistence only really works if you can keep them from stopping. Keep them moving."

"So we need to fucking speed up then." Hidan chuckled. "How damn fast are you, Red?"

"Fast enough." Akane answered.

"Heh. Prove that shit." With that Hidan was off again, following the trail with the fastest speed he could muster.

Sure, he was the fucking slowest member of the Akatsuki, but he was still a fast motherfucker.

It only made him smirk in challenge when Red kept pace just behind him.

So, the bitch could keep up.

Good, cause judging by this Jashin-damned trail, they had a fucking while to go before they were anywhere close to the bastard on the other end of it.

Absently, Hidan wondered if the fucker was someone he'd known or knew of. Sure the Akatsuki bastards were all dead, but he'd kept up with the outside shinobi, thanks to the old miser's obsession with bounty hunting. He'd known the name of almost every fucking high-bounty shinobi from Kumo to Iwa thanks to Kakuzu.

Hidan had also known random tidbits that may or may not have been fucking forgotten.

"We need a damn updated bingo book." He informed Red.

"If we're stealthy, and the trail continues to head that way, we should be able to get one while in Shimo." Akane answered. She didn't bother questioning why. She highly doubted the zealot would want such a thing as a Bingo book just to look at the pictures.

"Fucking good. I'm going to try to jog my damn memory. See if I can't remember the old bastard mentioning a nuke-nin that liked messy kills. I don't fucking remember anything like that at the shitty moment, but it's something." Hidan stated. More than the damn precious little they had to go off of so far anyways.

Hope for their damn sake this trail continued to Frost. Hidan would remember shit nothing without a picture or something to jog the memories of the old bastard's voice in his mind.

Akane wasn't sure that this killer was going to be a known nuke-nin. But, seeing as how anyone that had gone after them had gotten themselves killed, really anything was possible. Or even if the murderer wasn't someone that was known to the general public, maybe Hidan had known about them once.

Nuke-nins sometimes knew each other better than hunter-nin did.

As the zealot had said. It was something. A hope.

Much like the same small hope that was this persistent predation strategy of hers. It certainly wasn't one of the most elaborate or famous plans to go down in Nara history. But it was the best Akane could do with the very limited information and resources she had available.

Akane couldn't help a soft laugh.

Hope was about all they'd had in the Fourth War. The hope that some, namely Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke could turn the tides in their favor.

Now hope took a much different form.

That of a foul-mouthed albino zealot she'd thought to dig up. Even if that man was a troublesome one that made her think things she shouldn't, especially with a nuke-nin while on a mission with stakes as high as this one.

* * *

_So, how many of you forgot this existed? Be honest xD  
_

**_Next time_**_- "There are a number of things you shouldn't do. One of them being torment a kunoichi. I know ways to make you suffer"._

_"As if, Red. You couldn't do a damn thing to me. Even if you could, I'm immortal, bitch"._

_"And I'm the one trained for years on how to seduce a man into giving me what I want"._

_"Ha! Fucking bring it! I'd like to see you try!"_

_"Troublesome. But very well. You asked for it"._

**_Review Replies!_**

_LadyKarma - Hidan doesn't know what these soft feeling you speak of are.  
_

_Phantom - It's Hidan we're talking about. I see him as a giant perv xD_

_Arcami - I did say this story was a slow one ;) Yes, this story is following canon. As for the enemy/enemies I'm not telling~_

_Deathless - Yep. Something like that xD_

_Soul - Hidan refuses to admit to this 'care' thing you speak of._

_Nazebaka - Not as happy with this chapter but it's what I get for forgetting my computer on vacation -.-;_

_Eternal - By soon, you meant a week later, yes? xD_

_Ethorin - My bad ^^; Hope you're not confused anymore.  
_

_Chibi - Nope. She had it handled but Hidan is the 'no-touching-what's-his'__ sort._

_Otaku - This is why you don't challenge a Nara. Ever._

_Fluffy - It ruins the suspense if I tell you everything! I apologize for the images. Very shameless, yes. A very interesting couple where nethier wants to admit they do more than tolerate the other person x3 -chased by the dragons-  
_

_Free- Glad you like it ^^_

_Mick - I try. I love our zealot and want to do him justice. Kakuzu is indeed rolling in his unmarked grave. Probably yelling at Hidan for forgetting things and doing it wrong, even if he's got the trail. The Swift release? Isn't there like no information on that besides it being a speed boost thing?_

_Sora - Thank you ^^ And Hidan's never struck me as the type of guy that likes submissive. He's the guy that wants someone who fights back and even wins on occasion. _

_Dragon - Maybe~_

_Shadow - Hey, can't have this be too serious all of the time._

_Banana - Hope you haven't forgotten about it thanks to my vacation ^^;_

_Mars - Some idiot decided the didn't like peace and mucked things up. That's about all that anyone knows. _

_Tager - Glad you like it so far :D_

_Little - Well, welcome to the new story ^^ Hope you like it as much as you did Mist._

_Fear - School is an evil being. The teasing only gets progressively worse. As does the denial. Akane will never tell her opinion of a certain albino's posterior xD _


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